When the Face of Evil is the Face You Love
by Lilyana
Summary: When the unspeakable happens, the unspeakable is brought about...Angelus. But there are some complications...And then there is the aftermath between Cordy and Angel (C/A, C/Aus...kinda...read it to see) ***Previously Untitled***Please read and review
1. Tragedy

Title: Untitled  
  
Author: Lily -- lilyana_vamp@yahoo.com  
  
Rating: R...eventually  
  
Disclaimer: I own no one...to my own sadness.  
  
Distribution: If you want it, take it...just let me know where it  
  
went.  
  
Feedback: ..is like food for my (lack of) soul  
  
Summary: When the unspeakable happens, the unspeakable is brought  
  
about...but not without some complications.  
  
  
  
Part One  
  
Tragedy  
  
  
  
"Angel, you can't really expect me to just wait here again!  
  
After last time-"  
  
"Cordy, last time was different. We didn't know that demon  
  
was luring us away so that it could get to you." Angel was adamant  
  
that she would not come with them. How could he, in good conscience,  
  
put her in that kind of danger? What were the odds of that  
  
happening again? Besides, after what she had done with his son, he  
  
didn't want her there.  
  
"Exactly! Luring you away! Hello!! Am I the only one  
  
actually looking at this clearly?"  
  
The way she talked, like she knew what was best, annoyed him  
  
greatly. Didn't she realize that he knew what was best for her?  
  
He'd been around for over 250 years and he knew when it was too  
  
dangerous for her to come with them.  
  
"It's out of the question Cordelia. I can't concentrate  
  
on stopping these demons with you tagging along. Now why don't you  
  
go do your nails or read a magazine or something.as long as it  
  
doesn't involve Connor," he muttered the last part and without giving her a chance to argue, he walked out the door.  
  
  
  
Cordelia was speechless as she watched Angel walk out the  
  
door, leaving her alone in the big old hotel. Okay, so maybe not  
  
speechless, she had plenty to say and she was determined not to let  
  
him get away with this.  
  
She grabbed her coat from the back of her chair and stood in  
  
the doorway. She was suddenly filled with dread, as if this were the  
  
last time she would see the Hyperion this way. But Cordy  
  
couldn't ignore her vision. Angel was going to need her help, whether he liked it or not.  
  
  
  
***Angel lightly touched the next sketch on his wall. This one tore  
  
his soul to pieces, but he couldn't take it down. It  
  
wouldn't be right, for the very reason he'd forced himself to finish it, to never forget her devotion to him. He could never forget the night his life fell apart.***  
  
  
  
Angel never saw it coming, nor did he have time to react, but  
  
someone else did. As the severed demon head fell to the ground, he  
  
heard the sound of a crossbow and felt something slam against his  
  
body.  
  
"Angel! Cordelia! Are you both okay?" Wesley called.  
  
"Cordelia?" Angel asked in astonishment and anger. "I thought I  
  
told you to stay." his voice trailed off as he turned and looked  
  
at his seer. She was laying face down in the grass, not moving. He  
  
could barely hear her shallow breathing or weak heartbeat.  
  
"Cordy?" His anger was quickly turning to fear.  
  
He carefully rolled her to her back and looked at her perfect,  
  
un-damaged face. Slowly, his gaze traveled down her body and fell  
  
upon her injury. Tucked neatly into her heart was a wooden stake.  
  
Angel's hands began to shake as he gently cradled her head in his  
  
lap. "Cordy? Can you hear me?"  
  
Her eyelids fluttered open and her moan was too quiet for human  
  
ears. He brushed a dark lock from her face and looked into her  
  
eyes. Angel could see that were already starting to glaze  
  
over. "Please hang on Cordy. Please don't leave me. I don't think  
  
I can do this without you." He detected her breath becoming more  
  
shallow and labored before ceasing completely. He began to panic.  
  
There were so many things he needed to tell her, so many things he  
  
had to show her. Suddenly her actions with Connor seemed un-  
  
important and insignificant.  
  
"Cor, I never wanted you to come with us because I was  
  
afraid this would happen. You weren't supposed to be here. I told you to stay at the hotel!" He could feel the tears forming in his  
  
eyes. "Dammit Cordelia! Why don't you ever listen to me?  
  
I'm just trying to keep you safe! To protect you!"  
  
"Angel," Wesley whispered and placed a hand on his arm. "She's  
  
gone."  
  
He threw Wesley's hand off him roughly. He knew Wesley was  
  
right, but he couldn't admit it. None of this could be true. Cordy  
  
couldn't have gone against him and followed them, she couldn't have  
  
taken the stake meant for him, and she couldn't be dead.  
  
  
  
***What had happened next, Angel wished he could forget. He wished  
  
he could forget the whole ordeal, but that would mean forgetting  
  
Cordelia, and he could never do that.***  
  
  
  
"Cor." He caressed her face, searching for any spark of life  
  
whatsoever.  
  
"Angel, come on. We have to take the body back-"  
  
"No! It's not a body; it's Cordelia! Are you that quick to  
  
forget her?!" Angel could feel the anger rise inside of him.  
  
"Of course not, I only meant-"  
  
"I know what you meant Wesley. You meant that since the body's  
  
dead, she's not a person anymore! Well, what does that make me  
  
Wesley?!"  
  
"I wasn't implying." Wesley decided it would be better to not  
  
continue with the line of discussion. "Let's take her back now." He  
  
leaned down to help Angel pick Cordelia's body up.  
  
"Get your hands off of here," Angel growled, gripping his seer  
  
tightly.  
  
"Angel, please, it's over-"  
  
"It's never over Wesley. There is always a way."  
  
"What are you thinking? You can't possibly be thinking about  
  
turning her!" Wesley grabbed Angel's arm as the vampire  
  
stood up.  
  
Still holding the body to his chest, he threw the Englishman  
  
against a nearby tree. "Can't I Wesley? I have the motive and the  
  
means to bring her back and no one would ever be able to hurt her  
  
again. I could keep her safe and teach her to defend herself in ways  
  
no human could. I could have her back!" Angel broke down, tears  
  
running down his face. "I need her back."  
  
Wesley stumbled to Angel's side. "I know Angel. None of us  
  
ever wished for this or thought it would happen, but it did. You  
  
need to let her go. Let her rest."  
  
"How can you expect me to do that? I would do anything for this  
  
woman!"  
  
"And she for you. That's why she took that stake for you. She  
  
gave her life for you."  
  
"Don't try to rationalize this Wesley. First I lost my son, no  
  
thanks to you, only for him to come back as a disgruntled teenager  
  
that hates me with ever fiber of his being, enough to sleep with the  
  
woman I love! The last thing I ever said to her was about that. I  
  
never got a chance to tell her that I love her more than I hate what  
  
she did. I need her with me. I need Cordelia. That's all there is  
  
to it." Angel tried to walk away from his one-time friend, but  
  
Wesley stopped him by hitting him with the blunt side of his battle-  
  
axe. Angel fell to the ground on top of Cordelia's body.  
  
"I'm sorry Angel. I can't let you do this." He and Gunn, who  
  
had wisely chosen to remain silent through it all, carried him and  
  
Cordelia to the car.  
  
  
  
Fred ran to the door when the group returned. "Oh my goodness.  
  
what happened?" She watched the now conscious Angel walk to Cordy's  
  
desk and sit down silently. "Oh, I'll get the medical kit!" she  
  
exclaimed when she saw Wesley carrying Cordelia in.  
  
"Fred, Baby." Gunn started, pulling her close to him and  
  
realization sunk in. Fred burst into tears as she looked at her  
  
friend's body.  
  
"I'm so sorry.I.should have been here to stop  
  
her from leaving."  
  
"It's not your fault Fred," Wesley whispered as he laid Cordy's  
  
body on the couch. "She would have gone anyways. That's just how  
  
she was. You couldn't keep her from doing anything once she set her  
  
mind to it."  
  
Angel jumped up and threw the computer to the floor in  
  
rage. "Don't talk about her that way! She's only been gone an hour  
  
and you're talking like she's been gone for years."  
  
"Angel, you need to calm down. This isn't helping-"  
  
"Nothing will help Wesley. Cordy is gone and I might as well be  
  
too."  
  
  
  
***In all his years, he had never felt that lost. His Cordelia was  
  
gone. The sketch didn't do her beauty justice. She had been  
  
perfect, even in death. He traced the lines of her body and the  
  
lines of her face as he had that night. He remembered the image of  
  
her cold, lifeless body as Wesley prepared to take her to the  
  
morgue. They all talked in hushed tones as if to not upset him, and  
  
he simply stared at Cordelia, the sight burning into his memory for  
  
all eternity. He wondered if any one of them realized that  
  
Cordelia's wasn't the only soul lost that night.***  
  
  
  
Angel sat for hours, staring at the now empty couch. Memories  
  
of her flashing through his mind; of her sitting on the couch  
  
thumbing through one of the many mindless magazines she left strewn  
  
across the lobby to "occupy the clients" she had once said; of her  
  
sitting at her computer complaining about filing or the weapons not  
  
being in order; of her holding Baby Connor and comforting his cries;  
  
of the smile that was beamed his way whenever he walked into the  
  
room. He wouldn't let himself think of what he had seen that night  
  
in Connor's loft. He wouldn't let his memory of her be tainted that  
  
way. He wondered if she had ever suspected his feelings for her.  
  
He pulled off his sweater, soaked with her blood, and threw it  
  
at the couch. "Damn you!" He looked down at her desk, at the  
  
picture of Angel Investigations. It became painfully clear that she  
  
would never again be part of that picture. He hurled it toward the  
  
couch. It bounced off and shattered into a hundred pieces, as his  
  
heart had. "Damn you Cordelia Chase for making me love you and then  
  
leaving me!"  
  
`So not my choice!'  
  
He wasn't exactly sure when or how it had happened. There  
  
hadn't been any pain, not like before. It had just seemed like he  
  
slipped away and the demon took over, too overcome with grief and  
  
heartache to care. He had let go just enough. Angelus had the power  
  
now.  
  
"Angel you dumbass!"  
  
  
  
Cordelia opened her eyes as the sweater came flying at her. She  
  
ducked and looked up at Angel. "Do you mind not throwing your  
  
bloody, demon-rank clothing at me? Trying to sleep here!" she  
  
scowled at him. "Hello? Am I invisible or something..again? Oh  
  
great, deja vu much? Skip! This is getting lame!"  
  
"Damn you!"  
  
"Excuse me? Don't be throwing your `damns' around. Not looking  
  
to be `of the cursed'!" she yelled, hoping he might hear her.  
  
"Damn you Cordelia Chase for making me love you and then leaving  
  
me!"  
  
"So not my choice!" she screamed and instinctively ducked away  
  
from the airborne picture. "Hey! That's mine!" She looked up at  
  
her friend in disbelief and then opened her mouth in shock. As a  
  
look of utter despair took over Angel's face, something began to rise  
  
out of him. A white, glowing stream flowed from his body and climbed  
  
toward the ceiling. Cordy watched in wonder. It was the most  
  
beautiful sight she had ever witnessed. And then she realized it was  
  
the worst. Angel's body was now bathed in a blood red glow and the  
  
look in his eyes could only mean one thing: Angelus was back.  
  
"Angel, you dumbass!" 


	2. Realization

Title: Untitled  
  
Author: Lily -- lilyana_vamp@yahoo.com  
  
Rating: R...eventually  
  
Disclaimer: I own no one...to my own sadness.  
  
Distribution: If you want it, take it...just let me know where it  
  
went.  
  
Feedback: ..is like food for my (lack of) soul  
  
Summary: When the unspeakable happens, the unspeakable is brought  
  
about...but not without some complications.  
  
  
  
Part Two  
  
Realization  
  
  
  
Angelus whirled around. He could have sworn he heard Cordelia's voice. "You fool, the little bitch is dead. She's not talking to anyone anymore." Her death was a bittersweet event; it gave him his opening to take over, but it deprived him of killing her himself. "The joy shoulda been mine."  
  
"Dead?! What do you mean dead?! I don't remember any dying!" Cordy cried. She felt like jumping and screaming but didn't think she really wanted to attract the attention of Angelus.  
  
She backed up out of natural reaction as he walked to the couch and picked up the sweater. "Mmmm...and she smelled so delicious. I bet she was spicy and sweet, like apples and cinnamon."  
  
"She is standing right here, Psycho-Vamp!" Cordy closed her mouth quickly when he seemed to look right at her.  
  
"Cor--"  
  
"What happened? Angel, are you alright?" Fred asked as the remaining members of the Fang Gang returned from the morgue.  
  
"Why hello Fred. Aren't we looking particularly delightful today," Angelus cooed sinisterly.  
  
"Wes! Fred! Gunn! Stay away from him! That's not Angel! It's Angelus!!" Cordy shrieked at her family. When they failed to hear her, she stood on the couch and began jumping up and down. "Why don't you know I'm here?! He's gonna kill you all if you don't listen to me!!"  
  
"What happened?" Wesley repeated, motioning to the broken picture frame at the vampire's feet.  
  
"Freak attack I guess," Angelus shrugged non-chalantly and took one last smell of Cordy's blood on his sweater. "Souls make you do stupid shit."  
  
"Angel, are you okay man? You're acting a little...strange," Gunn asked and sat on the couch.  
  
"He's fucking acting like Angelus!!" Cordy looked down as Gunn sat precisely where she stood, their bodies never making the slightest of contact. "Eww...that's just freaky."  
  
"The police are filing a report on Cordelia's case," Fred spoke quietly. "They won't find anything, but I think we should try and find out who did this ourselves."  
  
"Yes! You're Angel Investigations! Go investigate! Go help the hopeless..namely me! Just get the hell out of here!" She took a step to her left and sat down next to Gunn. "How does Dennis do this?"  
  
"Do what?" Gunn asked Fred.  
  
"What?"  
  
"You said, 'How does Dennis do this?'"  
  
"No I didn't," Fred answered in confusion.  
  
Cordy jumped up with hope. "I did! I said that! Hear me dammit!!"  
  
"What did you hear Charles?"  
  
"I heard someone talking. I thought it was you, but to tell the truth, it sounded like Cordy."  
  
Fred gave Gunn a sympathetic hug, passing it off as his grieving imagination. "So, should we go look for who..."  
  
"I'll go." Angelus walked to the door with determination. "Alone," he added and slammed the door behind him.  
  
"He's in a peculiar state of mind, even with the given circumstances," Wesley commented, staring at the door.  
  
"Open you're eyes!! He's not Angel! He's Angelus!! Argh!!" Cordelia threw her hands up in frustration. "You guys are impossible!" She reached for the doorknob and suddenly found herself in Lilah Morgan's office. "O-- kay...disturbing much? Oh look, it's the uber-bitch."  
  
"You tell me why and I might kill you quick. Fuck around with me and you'll learn what each of your internal organs look like before and after I'm done with you. Then I'll kill you," Angelus threatened.  
  
"Tell you what Angel? I didn't do a thing."  
  
"I find that hard to believe. You and I are more alike than you know Lilah. We both thirst for blood and will do whatever it takes." He circled the lawyer like a shark, speaking low and menacingly. "In fact, the more it takes, the more enjoyable it is, isn't that right?" He gripped her throat roughly. "Who pulled the trigger on that crossbow? Who took all my fun away?"  
  
"I don't know about any crossbow. I didn't try to kill you Angel. I would have succeeded," she croaked as his grip tightened.  
  
"You bore me," Angelus sighed and threw Lilah against the wall. He moved in, more than ready for his first kill in years, when someone interrupted him.  
  
"Miss Morgan? Our contacts just informed us, it seems there is a..." The voice on the speaker seemed to address another before once again relaying the message. "Right...a lost soul in your office."  
  
Angelus sneered at the telephone. "Fucking Soul-Boy. Never give up, do you?"  
  
"Male or female?" Lilah asked, trying to force her voice back to normal.  
  
"Female."  
  
"What kind of game are you playing Lilah?" Angelus growled at her.  
  
"I don't understand Angel."  
  
"It's Angelus! And you know exactly what I'm talking about. Why do you want me to believe her soul is here?"  
  
"Soul? Who's soul?" Lilah asked, shaking slightly.  
  
"Yeah, who's soul? And, heaven help me, if you say Buffy's, I'll kill you myself..somehow!"  
  
"Cordelia's."  
  
"Are you saying Cordelia is..."  
  
"If it's my soul, then I must be..."  
  
"Dead," the two women finished together.  
  
Cordy began shaking violently as it hit her. "Oh God, I'm dead. I'm dead, Angelus is loose, and I can't do a thing about it. He's going to kill everyone I love and I can't even warn them. I'm dead...I'm dead and Angel thought I was in love with Connor...Oh God...he hated me so much for what I did, my death made him happy enough to lose his soul. Well, doesn't that just make a girl all warm and fuzzy inside. I'm so sorry Angel! I never meant to hurt you! I love you!" She walked down the hall, leaving Angelus to do whatever he wanted with the Wicked Bitch of the West.  
  
"Cordelia?" Angelus looked around the room and then turned back as Lilah tried to make her escape. "Nice try Bitch." 


	3. Contact

Title: Untitled  
  
Author: Lily -- lilyana_vamp@yahoo.com  
  
Rating: R...eventually  
  
Disclaimer: I own no one...to my own sadness.  
  
Distribution: If you want it, take it...just let me know where it  
  
went.  
  
Feedback: ..makes me immensely happy!!  
  
Summary: When the unspeakable happens, the unspeakable is brought  
  
about...but not without some complications.  
  
Part Three Contact  
  
Cordelia found herself back at the Hyperion and felt the desperation set in. It wouldn't be long before Angelus was back. She needed to figure out a way to stop him or to warn the others. "Why can't someone take a shower so I can write in the steam or something?"  
  
"I still can't believe Cordelia's gone," Fred sighed sadly, picking up the broken glass from the picture frame.  
  
"You and me both sister," Cordy agreed and sat down, passing through Fred's arm as she did.  
  
"It seems odd that the Powers let this happen," Wesley said from behind and old book.  
  
"Yeah, they really dropped the ball on this one." As she spoke, Cordelia noticed Fred turn in her direction. Hope rose in her again. "Fred, can you hear me?"  
  
"Cordelia?"  
  
"Yes! It's me Fred! If you can hear me, tell Wes I'm here!"  
  
Fred ripped the book out of the man's hands. "Wesley, Cordelia is here! I can hear her!"  
  
"Fred."  
  
"Don't Fred me! I'm not crazy!"  
  
"No, you're not Fred. I'm here. I'm sitting on the couch."  
  
"She's on the couch. Wesley, I think something is terribly wrong."  
  
"Cordelia?" Wesley stared at the couch intently where Fred pointed. He reached out, trying to feel anything tangible.  
  
"Hey! Watch the hands Research Guy!" Cordy scolded as his hand passed through her chest.  
  
Wesley blushed and yanked his hand back. "My apologies," he whispered.  
  
"Wesley, oh you can hear me! Thank God! There's something I need to tell you!"  
  
"What is it Cordelia? What do you need to tell us?"  
  
"Why do I feel like I've walked into and episode of 'Crossing Over'?" Gunn asked as he walked into the room. "What's Cordy got to say 'John'?"  
  
"Oh, you're a barrel of laughs Charles Gunn." Cordy stuck her tongue out at him, even though she knew he couldn't see her.  
  
"Cordelia, what's wrong?" Fred asked, their arms still occupying the same space.  
  
"Oh, I think I get it now! You can't hear me unless we're touching.er.well, not touching, but passing through.whatever! I don't care! You can hear me and I don't care how!"  
  
"Cordelia!" Wes and Fred yelled at the same time.  
  
"Oh, sorry. Just overflowing with the excitement. Tell Gunn to get over here and all of you put your hands on the arm of the couch." She paused as Fred relayed the message and the three followed her directions. "It's about Angel. There's something you need to know."  
  
"Oh Cordelia, he's been so devastated since you.well.left," Fred said quietly.  
  
"Oh yeah, real devastated," Cordy grumbled. "So devastated he's gone all-"  
  
"Connor!" Gunn called out as the door opened.  
  
"What are you guys doing?" the teenager asked flatly, looking at them standing around the couch.  
  
"Connor, it seems that we have a visitor," Wes began.  
  
"What kind of visitor?"  
  
"Cordelia has made contact with us. Her spirit is here."  
  
"IS this some kind of joke?" Connor asked coldly.  
  
"Connor, come here," Fred told him softly and led him to the couch. She put his hand down and the look on his face told Cordelia he felt her presence.  
  
"Cordy?" he whispered, the sound catching in his throat.  
  
"Hi Connor, how's life.literally?"  
  
"But you died.you're gone."  
  
"Yeah, getting that a lot today. Listen you guys, there's something you need to know about-"  
  
"Angel! You're back! Cordelia's here!" Fred exclaimed as Angelus entered the hotel.  
  
"No Fred! Don't! Dammit!"  
  
"Cordy?" Angelus moved to the couch and Wesley showed him where to set his hand. "I don't hear anything." Cordy moved away from the couch quickly, not wanting him to know about her.  
  
"She was here. I heard her. I felt her," Connor said.  
  
"Yeah, you've felt a lot of her, haven't you 'Son'."  
  
"Angel." Wes started.  
  
"Oh, no one told you? Little Connor here had some fun with-"  
  
"Dad-"  
  
"Didn't your mommy teach you that it's not nice to interrupt your father? Oh, that's right, she taught you something else. Tell me something Connor, what was it like fucking the only woman you've known as a mother? I've done some pretty sick and twisted things, but that's just.wow."  
  
The group stood in shocked silence as Angelus laid the secret bare for all to see. "Connor?" Wesley asked and the look on the boy's face said it all.  
  
"Oh.." Fred started but was too shocked to say any more.  
  
"Angelus stop!!!" Cordy screamed at the top of her lungs. She knew he was destroying any progress Angel had made with Connor.  
  
"I do have to say, you are turning out to be quite a disappointment as a son. Guess you take after Daddy in that one. Too bad you only got one ride out of Cordy though. I bet if given the chance, I coulda got a whole lot more out of her. She was such a pretty little whore, she just never. Shut. Up." Angelus accentuated the last three words.  
  
"Shut up! Don't talk about her that way! You don't even deserve to say her name! It's your fault she's dead! It should have been you!" Connor yelled and lunged at Angelus.  
  
He let himself be knocked to the ground and laughed. "Do you really think she loved you, Little Boy? You were just a substitute that night because she couldn't have the real thing. You were nothing to her." Connor began punching the Angelus blindly, only causing the vampire to laugh harder. "Is that all you got?!"  
  
"Connor! Angel! Stop this!" Fred screamed, breaking the group's silence. Gunn jumped into action and tried to pull Connor off Angelus.  
  
"Connor, come on. It's not worth it." He grabbed one of Connor's arms and Wesley grabbed the other. Together they pulled the boy up and Gunn led him upstairs.  
  
"Angel, I don't know what has gotten into you, but that was incredibly uncalled for. I know you're having a difficult time with Cordelia's death, but so is Connor. There is no reason for this."  
  
"But Wes, you know better than anyone what it's like to know the woman you love slept with someone else. You know it eats you alive every time you see them together. It drives you crazy knowing he's got what you think should be yours, so much so you started fucking Lilah Morgan. That's pretty desperate, Watcher-Boy."  
  
Shocked silence washed over Fred once again and Cordelia could do nothing but watch as Angelus continued to berate and destroy each of them psychologically.  
  
"But I guess you never could handle women, could you? As a watcher, you.well you royally sucked, and we all know how well you did with sweet little Fred here. And then there was Cordelia. Have you noticed how this keeps coming back to her? Weird huh?"  
  
"At least I'm man enough to admit my failures and learn from them," Wesley spoke, trying to keep his voice even and unemotional.  
  
"Yeah, you must be a real expert, what with all the failures you've had." He then turned to Fred. "And you. Everyone thinks you're so sweet and innocent, but what would your parents say if they knew what you did to Professor Sidel? Would they be so proud of their little genius if they knew she helped murder a man?"  
  
"Shut up!" she screamed at him. "He..he sent me."  
  
"Oh, I know, 'he sent me to that horrible place and I couldn't let him get away with it or do it to anyone else'," Angelus cried, mimicking her voice. "Yeah, I hear you and Gunn talking at night.amongst other things. I don't know how he does it; you yammer as much as Cordy did, even during sex!"  
  
Fred turned bright red and ran up the stairs in tears. Wesley turned to Angelus and glared at him. "Only one thing could be this cruel and hurtful. How did you do it Angelus?"  
  
"What? No hug or nice to see you? I'm insulted," he grinned. He walked past Wesley and towards his room.  
  
"I don't think so Angelus."  
  
"What are you going to do Wesley, stare me to death? I'm going to bed. Don't disturb me."  
  
Cordy followed him to Angel's bedroom and watched him lock and barricade the door. He may be cruel and evil, but he wasn't stupid. He knew they'd try to confine him while he slept. What he didn't know was Cordelia was determined to stop him from doing any more damage.  
  
"You are so screwed Angelus." 


	4. Dreams

Title: Untitled  
  
Author: Lily -- lilyana_vamp@yahoo.com  
  
Rating: R...eventually  
  
Disclaimer: I own no one...to my own sadness.  
  
Distribution: If you want it, take it...just let me know where it  
  
went.  
  
Feedback: ..makes me immensely happy!!  
  
Summary: When the unspeakable happens, the unspeakable is brought  
  
about...but not without some complications. Author's Notes: If anyone has any suggestions for titles, please share...I'm blocking!! Thanks!  
  
Part 4 Dreams  
  
Cordy decided it was time for a little damage control while Angelus was sleeping. She walked right through his barricades and door and into the hallway outside. "That's gonna take some getting used to," she shuddered and looked down the empty hall. There was no one in sight. She figured everyone was sleeping and decided to check in on Connor.  
  
She sat next to his bed and watched him sleep as she had when he was a baby. He looked peaceful when he slept, something he never looked when awake. "I'm so sorry Connor. I really made a mess of things." She tried to touch his face and was blinded by a bright light.  
  
**"This is the most vivid vision I've ever had," she commented, looking around Connor's loft.  
  
"Cordy, you came back," Connor smiled at her.  
  
"Connor, you know I can't stay."  
  
"I know, but I need you. I need to feel you again."  
  
Cordy looked at him sadly. "That can't happen again. We never should have- "  
  
"No, don't say it," he snapped. "He was right, I'm nothing to you. You don't love me."  
  
"That's not true Connor; I do love you. But I'm in love with Angel. What happened that night was about something other than love and it was wrong."  
  
"For you maybe."  
  
"I came here to tell you to stay away from Angel, not to talk about that," Cordy sighed, trying to change the subject.  
  
"Why? Because you're in love with him or you don't want me to hurt him? He deserves it after the things he said about you."  
  
"Neither. Because he's not you father. That man down there saying all those cruel and hurtful things was Angelus, not Angel."  
  
"And the difference is.?"  
  
"Huge! Angel, your father, is a kind, decent being that has saved the world, and my ass, more times than I can count."  
  
"They why didn't he save you this time? He should have saved you," Connor whispered, trying to choke back tears.  
  
Cordelia hugged him and held him tightly. "Please Connor, don't blame Angel for what happened to me. He did everything he could to protect me, but I was too stubborn to listen and stay put. If you need to blame someone, blame me. Don't blame your dad; he's going to need you more than ever when this is through."  
  
"But he said I was a disappointment."  
  
"Listen to me, that thing is a monster wearing Angel's face. You can't listen to him or trust him. He'll take any opportunity to get to you, no matter how small." She touched his face tenderly, as a mother would and smiled sadly. "I have to go now Connor."  
  
"No, please stay," the boy pleaded.  
  
"I can't Sweetie. I have to go, but I'll try to come back tomorrow night. I'll see you at dreamtime," she whispered.**  
  
Cordelia opened her eyes and realized she was still sitting by his bed at the Hyperion. "Did I just dream that?"  
  
"Goodbye Cordy," she heard Connor say in his sleep.  
  
"Oh, he dreamed it. Sweet, I can make physical contact in their dreams. Dream invasion could be fun! Watch out, here comes Dream Cordy! Now, who should I visit next?"  
  
Cordy peeked into Fred's and Gunn's room to make sure they weren't doing anything she didn't want to see and heard Fred crying in her sleep. She sat beside the girl and put a hand on her head.  
  
**"Don't cry Fred, please."  
  
"Oh Cordelia, he said such horrible things, about all of us. I-I've never seen Angel this way," the girl sobbed into Cordy's shoulder. "I-I can feel you!"  
  
"Yeah, dream realm thing I guess. Back to the point, don't listen to him Fred. Don't let him get to you. That isn't Angel, that is Angelus. That's what I was trying to tell you all."  
  
"Angelus? But how? I thought he had to be-"  
  
"Perfectly happy, yeah, I know. I'm not sure how because we definitely never made with the happies.I'd remember that! I can tell you when though."  
  
"When?"  
  
"When you guys were taking me.my body to the morgue. He had his outburst, hurling my picture around and then poof, we have Angelus."  
  
"How do we make him Angel again?" Fred asked, still crying softly.  
  
"You'll have to talk to Wes on that one. Look Fred, I have to go find out what I can from Angelus's subconscious. Tell Gunn and Wes what I've told you, okay?"  
  
"Of course Cordelia. Cordy?"  
  
"Yeah Fred?" Cordy turned back and asked.  
  
"He loved you Cordy. He really did, despite the things he said to you. He was just upset and hurt." Cordy smiled slightly. "And I miss you Cordy."  
  
"I miss you too Fred, and thank you. I needed to hear that.the missing and the loving. Now sleep well."**  
  
Cordelia observed that Fred seemed more at peace after their talk and walked to the door. "Now, let's see what I can get out of Angelus."  
  
**"Cordy? But how?" Angelus looked at her in shock.  
  
"Don't give me that Angelus. Why are you here?"  
  
Angelus was too stunned to say a word. He suddenly reached out and grabbed her by the back of the head.  
  
"Get your paws off me!" she screamed and tried to push him away. He pulled her to him and kissed her passionately, his hands tenderly exploring her body. He made quick work of her top, revealing her red lace bra.  
  
"Oh Cordy, I've dreamed of this," he whispered between kisses. He trailed his lips down her neck and across the top of each breast. "Every time I see you, smell you, I dream of this. I want you Cordelia."  
  
Cordy closed her eyes and moaned as he laid an icy yet fiery kiss on her nipple, through her bra. "Angel," she sighed at his touch and gasped as his hands gripped her hips and held tight.  
  
"Yeah, he dreams of it too."  
  
"Angelus! No! Get off me!" she yelled out and pushed him back on the bed.  
  
"Come on Cordy, you know you want me too," he taunted seductively, lying back on the blood red sating sheets in an invitation.  
  
For an instant, Cordelia wondered how it would feel to be pressed between those sheets and his cool skin. "I want that body, not you Angelus."  
  
He propped himself up on one elbow. "Well, that's kinda shallow."  
  
"I never claimed to not be shallow." She stood over the vampire with authority, ignoring her exposed state.  
  
"Then why did you come to me Cor?"  
  
"To tell you to stay the hell away from my friends."  
  
"And how do you expect to keep me from them? You're not exactly doing too well in the living department."  
  
Cordy leaned over him, placing a hand on either side of his body. She could see the arousal in his eyes and she gave him a sexy smile. "I could keep you occupied in many wonderfully exciting ways," she whispered and kissed him. She then grabbed his hair and pulled his head to one side violently. "Or I could just forget whose body you're in and tear you apart, limb by limb. Do we have an understanding?"  
  
"Cor, I never knew you liked to play that way," Angelus grinned and she tightened her grip.  
  
"I mean it Angelus. Stay away from them or next time, you won't wake up."**  
  
Angelus opened his eyes and touched his head tenderly. "Dumb dead bitch thinks she can rattle me, she's even more stupid than I thought. Besides, she can't do anything; she's dead and long gone." He laughed and crumpled up one of Angel's sketches of her. "Bye-bye Cordy." 


	5. Crazy

Title: Untitled  
  
Author: Lily -- lilyana_vamp@yahoo.com  
  
Rating: R...eventually  
  
Disclaimer: I own no one...to my own sadness.  
  
Distribution: If you want it, take it...just let me know where it  
  
went.  
  
Feedback: ..makes me immensely happy!!  
  
Summary: When the unspeakable happens, the unspeakable is brought  
  
about...but not without some complications. Author's Notes: This is SOOO needing a name.please make suggestions when you leave feedback!! Author's Notes 2: Song lyrics are from "Bring Me to Life" by Evanesence  
  
Part 5 Crazy  
  
Angelus waltzed down the staircase with his confident, crazed smile and toward the waiting group, armed with crossbows, axes, and Gunn with his flame-thrower. He looked at Fred, holding a crossbow aimed directly at his heart. "Fred, what are you doing? You shouldn't point that at someone. Your finger might slip and you could really get hurt," he grinned.  
  
"Don't you mean YOU could get hurt Angelus?" she answered coldly.  
  
"Aw, did Cordy come visit you and spoil my big surprise? She was never good at keeping her mouth shut, was she?" He continued smiling and walked to the kitchen. "Doesn't he keep anything but fucking pig's blood around here?" He turned to the team. "Oh, that's right, he has friends.shall we have a snack?" Angelus lunged at them, game face on.  
  
"One more step and we're sweeping you up and taking you out with the garbage," Gunn warned, training the flame-thrower at the vampire.  
  
"Gunny-boy, you got the balls to do that? Don't you know that you'll be killing the being that saved your scrumptious little cake here from Pylea? How would she feel about you then? And then Wes, well, he'd be pissed at you because you upset Fred, who he's madly in love with, and she'll go running to him because he wasn't the one to kill Angel. Of course, she always runs to Wes for some reason or another, doesn't she? What is it about you that just isn't good enough Gunn? What's Wes got that you don't?" Angelus kept picking away at Gunn's resolve, trying to distract him. It was working.  
  
Gunn looked at Fred. "What's he talking about? When do you go to Wes? Why can't I help you?"  
  
Fred didn't answer Gunn. Instead, she held still, eyeing Angelus angrily. "It's not going to work Angelus. Cordy told me that you'd try to do something like this. You can't get to me, not again."  
  
Angelus shrugged. "Oh well, it was worth a shot. The food always tastes better when you play with it first. That's why mommies and daddies always tell their kids not to; they have to take all the fun out of life."  
  
"Angelus, you can make this easy. Let us restore your soul and you both stay alive. If you fight us, there's no guarantee." Wesley held his axe ready.  
  
"You're actually gonna kill your boss Wes? Wow, now that's impressive. I always figured you to be just a pretty boy; a watcher who failed miserably at everything he attempted. But to kill your boss, now that's a HUGE step in the other direction."  
  
"It's what he would want," Connor said from behind Angelus. "And believe me, I'd have no problem doing it."  
  
"Ah yes, the prodigal son. And what have we been up to today? Plotting to put me 20,000 leagues under the sea again? Or maybe trying to move in on Gunn's girl. You're pretty good at accomplishing both of those."  
  
Connor looked at him emotionless. "Goodnight Dad." He swung the board and hit Angelus broadside in the head.  
  
**Angelus looked at her in silence. She was absolutely perfect. Her dark hair, her dark eyes and that mega-watt smile. Only there was no smile on her face. She looked sad, so very sad. Something stirred in him, came over him, and he suddenly wanted to see her smile. He wanted to be the one to make her smile. He didn't want her to be sad anymore. He needed her to be happy and needed to be the one to make her happy. He wanted her. He needed her.  
  
"Only in your dreams Angelus."**  
  
Angelus's eyes snapped open and he growled. What was it that made him feel that way about her in that dream? The only feelings he had for her was the disappointment that he wasn't the one that had put her in the ground. He didn't have any romantic feelings for Cordelia Chase, that was the pathetic one. "Fucking soul residue." He looked at his surroundings and found himself caged like an animal.  
  
"Fred.Wes.Connor.Gunn." he called sinisterly. "Do you really think this is going to hold me long enough for you to put that wretched soul back in? It ain't gonna happen!!" The vampire sat back on his heels to bide his time and began singing. ".Without a soul, my spirit's sleeping somewhere cold." Something caught Angelus's attention. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw a flash of light. "What kind of cheap scare tactic is that Wes?"  
  
Cordelia tried to focus all of her paranormal energy on manifesting herself before Angelus. She knew he'd never willingly agree to be re-souled, but maybe with the right convincing, and a bit of his own medicine, he'd cave.  
  
".Without a soul, my spirit's sleeping somewhere cold."  
  
"Not for long buddy," she fumed, more determined than ever to restore him to his souled, Angel-self again.  
  
He looked in her direction and then called up the stairs, "What kind of cheap scare tactic is that Wes?"  
  
She smiled and made another attempt. This time, she could see she was more successful.  
  
"Trying to make me think I'm seeing Cordy I see," he called out confidently. "What is it, some kind of spell? Can I touch her and hear here and all that too?" He looked back at her when he received no answer. "Yeah, yeah, it ain't gonna work Wes. You can make her go away now." Cordelia didn't move. "Wes, enough already! If you don't remove this image, I'm gonna kill you slow and painful and make you wish you were back in that rotten childhood with that father of yours again!!" Cordelia didn't speak. "Go away. You aren't real." He turned away from her and back to the bars of the cage, looking for any weakness or means to escape.  
  
Cordy smiled, seeing that her plan was working perfectly. If she couldn't reason with the vampire, she'd drive him crazy, just like he had so many in his day. Besides, how many times had he complained that she'd never shut up?.  
  
Angelus knew the image of Cordy was still behind him. For the first time, he wished that she would just say something, but she didn't. Why would she, she wasn't real. She was dead. She only existed in dreams now. She couldn't be there behind him.  
  
"Wesley, let me out of this cage or I'll make you watch as I rip each of your friends limb from limb!!" Angelus gripped the bars tightly and began trying to shake them loose. "I swear I'll make you all suffer and enjoy every bit of it!!!" he growled in rage.  
  
Wesley came down the stairs slowly and emotionlessly. "I suggest that you settle down and be quiet. You're interrupting our research," he spoke evenly from the staircase.  
  
"Make her go away, now," Angelus growled, his eyes flashing yellow.  
  
"Make who go away? There's no one else down here besides you Angelus."  
  
"You know who I'm talking about Wesley. Get rid of that image."  
  
"You know, Angel always said you were a little mad. I always thought you were just ingenious, but I'm beginning to think he was right." Wesley turned and walked back up the stairs. "You might as well rest up Angelus. Angel's gonna want his body to be in top shape when he gets it back."  
  
"It's MY body Watcher!" Angelus turned around angrily and found himself face to face with Cordy. "Get out of my mind whore!!" he yelled and waved his arm through her, making her form dissipate into mist. He sat on the floor of his cage with his head between his hands.  
  
Fred looked at the monitor worriedly. "Are you sure he can't get out of there? He looks REALLY mad now."  
  
"I can't be sure of anything Fred. Never underestimate Angelus's power, cunning, or strength. The only thing we can hope for is that we find a way of restoring his soul before he finds a way out." He went back to his book, trying to ignore the glares he was receiving from Gunn. "Gunn, could you please concentrate on the matter at hand? We'll deal with the other issues when there is time."  
  
"Whatever you say," the young man snapped and flipped though a book of his own.  
  
"Wesley, I'm not finding anything on here," Fred sighed from her seat in front of Cordelia's computer. "There's stuff about the Orb of Thessula and the incantation, but it says that only pertains to if he lost his soul in a moment of pure happiness. I think we can safely rule that one out."  
  
"I agree, this is a completely different circumstance and there may not be any record of restoration for this. We may have to devise our own method."  
  
Angelus began pacing the cage, his hunger aching inside of him. "Somebody had better bring me something to eat!!" he yelled loud enough for them to hear him had they been on the top floor. He grinned when Fred and Gunn brought the blood down to him. "Mmm..such a sweet thing bringing me my dinner. A guy could get used to that."  
  
"Well don't be getting any ideas because I would have no problem dusting your ass," Gunn warned, crossbow ready.  
  
"I'm insulted Gunn. Do you really think I'm that stupid?"  
  
"Do you really want an answer?"  
  
Fred cautiously approached the cage with the bag of blood in her hand. She moved her arm forward to throw it to him and in a flash he had hold of her.  
  
"Charles!!" she screamed as he gripped her throat and moved his teeth to it.  
  
"Let her go Angelus," Gunn demanded.  
  
"I'd say that you are in no position to make demands Charlie." He could see the man's anger at the use of that nickname and let out a low growl. "She smells so sweet, like an expensive piece of chocolate."  
  
"Let her go or I'll put this arrow through you cold, dead heart."  
  
"And kill her in the process? You can't shoot me without shooting her," Angelus pointed out. "If you want her, come and get her." He waited until Gunn was within reaching distance and pulled her against the bars violently. "Oh, there is a catch, you gotta let me out."  
  
"No way," Gunn answered wide-eyed. "Fred baby."  
  
"Charles." she whispered, petrified.  
  
"You know, in a way, I was hoping you'd say that." Angelus sunk his fangs into Fred's tender flesh and felt the warm, human blood rush into his mouth. Nothing he could remember had tasted better, after all those years of rancid pig's blood.  
  
"Fred!! Angelus stop! Let her go and I'll open the cage!" Gunn pleaded and caught Fred as Angelus ripped away.  
  
"I thought you'd see it my way."  
  
"Fred, baby, are you alright? Fred?" Gunn held a hand tightly against the open wound on her neck and threw the keys to Angelus. "Get out of my sight before I change my mind," he threatened and held Fred close.  
  
Angelus walked up the stairs like nothing had happened and right past Wesley. "You might want to give Charlie-boy a hand with Sugar. She's not feeling so well," he stated simply and wiped a drop of blood from the corner of his mouth.  
  
Wesley stared at him, stunned for a moment. He contemplated going after the vampire but realized Fred might be in need of immediate medical attention. He raced down the stairs to find Gunn holding her in his arms, whispering to her lovingly. He couldn't hear what the man was saying and couldn't see Fred's face or neck, but by the amount of blood pooled on the floor, he knew it wasn't looking good.  
  
Angelus walked into his room and found himself in front of Cordelia again. He froze, locked in her gaze for a few moments before looking away. "You aren't here. You aren't real." He barricaded his door once again; feeling a little tired after his small meal, and lay on his bed. "Go away and let me rest."  
  
**Angelus reached out for her, trying to feel her, to see if she was really lying next to him in his bed. He touched her face tenderly and pulled her close to him. "Cordy, please don't .."  
  
"Don't what Angelus?"  
  
"Don't let me wake up from this. Don't let me go back to a place where you are gone."  
  
"Why do you care Angelus? You would have killed me yourself, given the chance."  
  
"I don't want to be in a world without you. Sure, I would have killed you, but I would have turned you. I would have let you live forever with me."  
  
"I wouldn't want to live forever with you Angelus."  
  
"Please Cordy."  
  
"No Angelus, you'll wake up and you'll face the world without me. And you will get your soul back." Cordelia pulled his lips down to hers and kissed him passionately. She ran her fingers through his hair and down his back. She grabbed the hem of his shirt and pulled it up over his head. She kissed his neck and chest, hearing him moan at her touch. Shivers ran through her as he pressed his cold body against hers and she pulled him closer to her.  
  
Angelus couldn't believe what as happening and he didn't care. He had Cordelia close to him. He could smell her and feel her. And he could kiss her. As she lay beside him, suddenly beautifully naked, he ceased to think. He crushed his lips to hers, kissing her with bruising strength. He explored her body with his lips, her delicious neck, her slender arms, her perfect breasts, her firm stomach, and her long legs. He heard her shriek as he pleasured her in ways that no man had been able to. He could smell her getting closer to climax, her perfectly manicured nails digging into the back of his neck, drawing blood and he drove on. He felt her body tighten and tense, and his own arousal began to throb painfully. He settled himself between her legs and thrust into her. He didn't want to hurt her, but he couldn't control himself. It was all so primal at that point. There was only one purpose. Please the girl. Please himself. Angelus brought himself to the edge of his orgasm.  
  
"Only in your dreams," she whispered and was gone.**  
  
Angelus opened his eyes once more and looked at the empty bed. He let out an unearthly sound and threw a lamp against the wall. He looked at the sketches and walked toward them, prepared to shred every single one, when he saw her. She stood by the bed silently, watching him with those big brown eyes.  
  
"Cordy." He approached her, but she didn't move and didn't speak. She just looked at him. "Cordy please, leave me alone. You're gone. You're dead. You need to leave me the hell alone."  
  
She said nothing.  
  
"Get out! You aren't real! Get the hell out of my room and stay the hell out of my dreams!" he yelled, trying to make her dissipate again, but failed.  
  
She did not move.  
  
"If I can't touch you, if I can't have you, I don't want you around! Go away!"  
  
Silence.  
  
"You fucking bitch! Can't you take a hint! You aren't wanted here!"  
  
Staring.  
  
Angelus began to shake. "Please Cordelia, don't do this. I can't take it. I can't take seeing you if I can't have you." The vampire sunk to his knees.  
  
Watching.  
  
"What do you want from me?"  
  
Waiting.  
  
"Please Cor, don't do this to me. I'll do anything."  
  
Cordelia smiled. Those were exactly the words she was waiting for. 


	6. Bring Me To Life

Title: Untitled  
  
Author: Lily -- lilyana_vamp@yahoo.com  
  
Rating: R-NC-17...eventually  
  
Disclaimer: I own no one...to my own sadness.  
  
Distribution: If you want it, take it...just let me know where it  
  
went.  
  
Feedback: ..makes me immensely happy!!  
  
Summary: When the unspeakable happens, the unspeakable is brought  
  
about...but not without some complications. Author's Notes: This is SOOO needing a name.please make suggestions when you leave feedback!! Author's Notes 2: Song lyrics are from "Bring Me to Life" by Evanesence  
  
Part 6 Bring Me To Life  
  
"Please Cor, don't do this to me. I'll do anything."  
  
Cordelia smiled. Those were exactly the words she was waiting for. "Anything Angelus?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Be Angel again."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Let Angel come back. Be re-souled."  
  
Angelus looked at Cordelia in horror. How could he possibly let the souled one take over again? He had waited so long to be released and now she wanted him to give it up. "Never."  
  
"You said anything Angelus."  
  
"Anything but that. I refuse to lose this body again. It's rightfully mine. He gave it up. You can't really expect me to let him take it over to do 'good' things again!"  
  
Cordelia looked at him seriously. "That's exactly what I expect Angelus. If you refuse, you can expect to see a lot of me. Everywhere you turn, I'll be standing there. Every time you close your eyes, I'll be haunting your dreams. I will give you no rest. I'll haunt you for the rest of your un-life. Let's face it, I have nothing better to do."  
  
Angelus's mind was reeling. He knew he'd never survive being haunted by her beautiful face, but he wouldn't give in to Angel. He couldn't. Not after tasting freedom again.and blood, human blood. Besides, maybe it wouldn't be so bad. At least he'd have her around. He could feel a horrendous aching in his heart. "Cordy."  
  
"The clock's ticking Angelus. Make your decision. Are you going to give Angel his life back or am I going to terrorize the rest of yours?" She saw him go through every emotion possible, trying to make his choice. She looked into his eyes and saw something she never thought she would see.pain.anguish.love. She touched his face tenderly, seeing his expression soften. "Angelus, I know you care for me, but I can't be with you, and I never could be."  
  
~*~ How can you see into my eyes like open doors? Leading you down into my core where I've become so numb~*~  
  
"Cordy, I've never felt like this and it sickens me. It makes me feel human. I don't want to feel human. I don't want to love you. I need these feelings to go away."  
  
"So make them go away. Let Angel love me. You must understand Angelus that the feelings you have are because Angel loved me. You two share more than the same body."  
  
"You're asking the impossible Cordelia," he suddenly spoke with a smile. "The White Hats down there can't re-soul me. The Orb won't work. They couldn't do it even if I agreed."  
  
"I tell you what Angelus; if I find a way, you agree to it and I'll be history. If not, I'll be following you forever. Deal?"  
  
~*~Without a soul My spirit's sleeping somewhere cold until you find it there and lead it back home.~*~  
  
He wondered if the front he was putting on was fooling her. Angelus grinned sinisterly. "Sure Delia. It's not like anyone will ever find a way anyways. What do I have to lose?"  
  
"Nothing," Cordy answered with a smile of her own. "You only have something to gain.a soul."  
  
She walked around, searching desperately. It was so cold, dark, and lonely there. There was nothing but darkness wherever she turned. Terror rose in her, threatening to take her over and drive her out of that place, but she was there for a purpose.  
  
"Angel!" she called into the nothingness.  
  
~*~(Wake me up) Wake me up inside (I can't wake up) Wake me up inside (Save me) Call my name and save me from the dark (Wake me up) Bid my blood to run (I can't wake up) Before I come undone (Save me) Save me from the nothing I've become.~*~  
  
"Cordelia?" she heard his voice whisper.  
  
"Angel, where are you?"  
  
"Cordy, how did you get here? You should be in-"  
  
"Where? Heaven? Please, how am I supposed to hang out in heaven with your evil alter ego tormenting LA? Wings and harps and fluffy little clouds are not in my brochure until I fix the mess you created."  
  
Angel didn't acknowledge her snide remarks; he could only feel his heart swell at seeing her, talking to her again. "Cordy, I'm so sorry I couldn't save you."  
  
"It wasn't your fault Angel," she spoke quietly and smiled slightly.  
  
"I should have protected you. It was my job. I was suppose to be a champion and I let the woman I loved get killed."  
  
"Angel-"  
  
"No Cordy, I have to tell you; I've loved you for as long as I can remember, but I was scared to tell you. I was scared you'd reject me, and I was scared that I would lose control of the situation and what happened before, with Bu-"  
  
"Say her name and I'll kill you.or at least make you deader," she smiled.  
  
"Cordelia, I'm not joking."  
  
"Neither am I Angel, now shut up. I don't want to hear anymore."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because." She pulled him against her and kissed him. It was the deepest, most loving kiss she had ever experienced. "I love you too Angel."  
  
Angel stared at her for a moment and then touched her face. The tears began rolling down his cheeks uncontrollably. "Oh Cordy, what have I done? I let him out."  
  
"You can fix it Angel."  
  
"How?"  
  
"Go back. Take back control. Make things right."  
  
"But what about you? What will happen to you?"  
  
"Wings, harps, fluffy white clouds I'd imagine."  
  
Angel's face was suddenly serious. "No."  
  
"What? Angel, you can't just let him kill everyone. You have to go back there and fix things. People need you. Our family needs you. Your son needs you."  
  
"Our son," he whispered with a saddened expression on his face. He knew she was right, but how could he just go back, after everything that had happened?  
  
"Our son. You have to go Angel. I'll be fine."  
  
Angel wiped a stray tear from her cheek with his thumb. "I don't think I can live without you Cor."  
  
She took his thumb and kissed the salty tear. "You'll never be without me Angel. I promise you that. How could I abandon my champion?"  
  
"I love you."  
  
"I love you."  
  
Angel opened his eyes and feel the grief take him over again. He had had Cordelia in his arms and she was gone once again. He collapsed on the floor, shaking uncontrollably. "Cordy!!!" He didn't even look up as Wesley and Gunn broke through the door and the barricades, ready to kill the beast that had been him. "Cordy.she said that I needed to come back.to make things right."  
  
"Angelus?"  
  
"She said that only I could fix things.she called me her champion." He held his head in his hands. "I'm so sorry.is Fred.?"  
  
"In the hospital. They gave her a transfusion. We're all hoping for the best." Wesley spoke quietly, still unsure who he was speaking with.  
  
"Are we gonna dust this bastard before he tries anything else or are we just gonna make small talk with him?" Gunn asked angrily.  
  
"Gunn, those things I said.Fred loves you, I know she does. I don't know how to apologize."  
  
"Angel?" Wesley asked.  
  
"Wes, I know you must hate me for the things I did and said. I wouldn't blame you if you never forgave me."  
  
"Angel, it wasn't you," Wesley told him softly and knelt beside the vampire. "We all know that Angelus is always a threat, and we all knew the risks of working with you. You are a vampire, but you are a good man. You are not Angelus. You are not responsible for the things he does."  
  
"Yes, I am responsible Wesley. I let him out. I let go."  
  
"Losing someone you love always brings out the worst in someone. For you, it was quite literal. But Cordelia was right Angel, you're needed here."  
  
Gunn looked at Angel angrily. "You asshole," he spoke evenly before punching Angel and walking out the door.  
  
"Gunn!" Wesley called after the young man, but Angel stopped him.  
  
"Let him go Wes. He needs time. I don't blame him. I almost made him suffer the very thing that let Angelus loose. I almost killed the woman he loves. I'm sorry Wes."  
  
Wesley smiled slightly in acceptance. He looked at the sketches Angel had made throughout their years together and noticed that Cordelia was a popular subject. "How long have you been in love with her Angel?"  
  
"Since before I met her I think," Angel answered in a whisper. "I can't imagine not ever loving her. She accepted me completely, even at my worst. She accepted me and the beast that lurks just beneath the surface. Even when I.he was terrorizing you all, she loved me. She loved me enough to realize that Angelus and I are not just two separate entities. We are the same person Wesley, just light and dark. She accepted the dark side of me, which is something nobody else has ever done. Cordelia."  
  
Wesley decided that Angel needed some time with his thoughts and to say his final goodbyes to his one true love. He slipped quietly out the door as Angel picked up his paper and pencil.  
  
"How can I go on without you? I had you in my arms and now I'm alone again. Please don't leave me."  
  
~*~ Now that I know what I'm without You can't just leave me Breathe into me and make me real Bring me to life~*~  
  
"You were the one person that made me feel alive. You treated me like a normal man. You weren't afraid to point out my faults or to stand up to me. You weren't afraid of me."  
  
~*~ Frozen inside without your touch without your love darling only you are the life among the dead~*~  
  
"I'm just so sorry that I didn't tell you that I love you before you went away.before you died. I tried to deny it because I was afraid, but I'm not afraid anymore of love anymore. The only thing I'm afraid of is facing life, or un-life, as you would say, without you. I love you Cordelia, and I'm not afraid of it."  
  
~*~All of this time I can't believe I couldn't see Kept in the dark but you aint never followed me I've been sleeping a thousand years it seems got to open my eyes to everything~*~  
  
Angel heard the phone ring downstairs in the lobby and heard Wesley talking to someone. "What? Are you certain? Yes, we'll be right there." He heard the former watcher climbing the stairs and walking towards his room. He waited for the knock.  
  
~*~(Wake me up) Wake me up inside (I can't wake up) Wake me up inside (Save me) Call my name and save me from the dark (Wake me up) Bid my blood to run (I can't wake up) Before I come undone (Save me) Save me from the nothing I've become~*~  
  
"Angel, that was one of our contacts with the police. It seems there's a Jane Doe at the hospital.he said that she uncannily resembles Cordelia," Wesley told him quietly and Angel looked at his friend in disbelief. Could he really be telling him that Cordelia could possibly be alive? 


	7. Home Sweet Hell

Title: Untitled  
  
Author: Lily -- lilyana_vamp@yahoo.com  
  
Rating: R-NC-17...eventually  
  
Disclaimer: I own no one...to my own sadness.  
  
Distribution: If you want it, take it...just let me know where it  
  
went.  
  
Feedback: ..might keep all your favorite characters of the living!  
  
Summary: When the unspeakable happens, the unspeakable is brought  
  
about...but not without some complications.  
  
Author's Notes: This is SOOO needing a name.please make suggestions when you leave feedback!!  
  
Part 7 Home Sweet Hell  
  
Angel hesitated before walking through the hospital doors. This building housed, for sure, a young woman who had trusted him with her life and then he almost killed her. It possibly held the woman that he loved. He wasn't sure if he was ready to face either of them. He grabbed Wesley's arm as the automatic doors opened.  
  
"What's the matter Angel?"  
  
"Fred..she's going to hate me. I don't know if I can see her, not yet."  
  
"Angel, you can't hide from what happened. You have to face your demons.quite literally. Besides, we need to go see if this Jane Doe is really Cordelia."  
  
"How could it be Wes? We both saw her die. You brought her to the morgue yourself."  
  
"Angel, you're a vampire. Lorne is a green, horned demon. Connor aged 16 years in a Hell Dimension. The fact that Cordelia is alive is the most plausible thing I can think of in our lives," the man smiled and pulled Angel through the doors. "Now let's go."  
  
Angel followed Wes up the stairs. Everywhere he could smell sickness and impending death, but nothing rattled him more than Fred's scent. As they approached her room, the smell of her threatened to drive Angel from the hospital. It wasn't her smell exactly, but the guilt that it spawned inside of him. "Wes."  
  
Wesley pushed Angel into the room and he saw Fred lying on the bed. She looked so small and pale, but her eyes still shone brightly. "Angel?" she whispered.  
  
"Hi Fred," he answered for lack of anything better to say. "How are.Oh Fred, I'm so sorry!"  
  
Wesley covered his eyes with his hand and shook his head. He had called Fred before they left the Hyperion and filled her in on what had happened. She seemed remarkably calm about seeing Angel so soon.  
  
"Angel, it's okay," she told him in her Texan drawl. "I understand what happened; Wes told me everything. I'm just so glad that you're back."  
  
The vampire smiled at the young girl apologetically. "I don't deserve your forgiveness."  
  
"Damn straight you don't." Gunn walked in and sat on the edge of Fred's hospital bed, creating a barrier between her and Angel.  
  
"Charles, that's not Angelus. He's Angel again."  
  
"I don't care who he is. That face tried to kill you."  
  
"Gunn, I know you're pissed at me, and I don't blame you. I just hope that someday we can be on somewhat friendly terms again," Angel spoke to the man quietly and then showed himself out of the room.  
  
"He'll come around."  
  
"I shouldn't have come here Wes."  
  
Wesley decided to move onto other pressing business. "We need to check out Jane Doe."  
  
"Yeah."  
  
The two walked to the information desk and Wesley tapped lightly on the window. The attendant, busily talking on the phone held up a perfectly painted finger. As she rambled about "he said" and "she said", both men were suddenly reminded of Cordelia. "Excuse me Miss."  
  
"Oh, hold on a sec Jess." The woman opened the window. "What can I do for you?"  
  
"We're here to see a patient."  
  
"Name?"  
  
"Well, she's a Jane Doe."  
  
"Are you family or friends of Miss Doe's?"  
  
"We aren't exactly sure if we're anything to her. That's why we're here."  
  
"Well if you aren't family or friends, I can't give you any information."  
  
"The police contacted us and said she might be someone we know."  
  
"You don't know if you know Miss Doe? That's a little odd."  
  
Angel, finally fed up with the young woman's ignorance gently pushed Wesley out of the way. "Listen Miss, a Jane Doe is a person without identification. The purpose of our visit is to see if we can identify her. So tell us what room she's in so that we can find out if she's our friend."  
  
"Geez, you don't have to be so impatient. Oh yes, Jane Doe, Room 614." The woman promptly closed the window in Angel's face and went back to her mindless conversation.  
  
Wesley and Angel looked at each other and shook their heads and proceeded to the sixth floor of the hospital. Outside of room 614, Angel froze. "You go see. I..I can't put myself through seeing this woman if it's not Cordelia."  
  
Wesley nodded. "I understand Angel."  
  
The vampire waited outside the door and paced back and forth. He played with his hands and ran them through his hair as he waited for Wesley to return with the answer. Of course, by the scent coming from the room, he already knew the answer.  
  
"Angel! Angel, come in here!" Wes called from the room.  
  
Angel took a deep, un-needed breath and walked into the dark room. On the bed was his Cordelia. She looked so beautiful and perfect, the only thing missing was her smile. He wanted to reach out and take her in his arms, but she lay motionless. "Cordy?" He watched her eyelids flutter, but they didn't open. As the doctor walked in, he turned to face him. "What's wrong with her?"  
  
"Well, we're not exactly sure. Physically, she's in superb shape. There's nothing wrong with her that should keep her from waking up, but she just hasn't."  
  
"How did she get here?" Wes asked him.  
  
"We're not sure of that either. She just appeared out front, naked and unconscious."  
  
Angel's heart sank at the thought of her being so vulnerable. He tuned out the rest of Wesley's and the doctor's conversation, knowing Wes would fill him in later. He sat on the edge of Cordy's bed and caressed her face tenderly, brushing a lock out of her eye. The memory of the night she died came rushing into his mind and it almost floored him. He felt the tears threaten to escape. "Cordy, can you hear me?" he choked out.  
  
He saw her stir slightly, but she still did not awaken. Angel held her hand and talked to her softly. "Cordy, if you can hear me, I just want you to know that I love you. I want you to wake up. I need you to wake up. I need you to come home. I can't do this without you. Besides, I need you there to deal with Connor.I don't think I was ever this moody when I was a teenager," he joked quietly and felt her squeeze his hand. "Cordy?"  
  
He watched as her eyes opened and stared into his. She stared at him, trying to recognize his face, but he could see that she did not. "Cordy, it's me," he smiled and then he saw the terror in her eyes. She screamed, and it was a sound that threatened to break his heart along with his super- sensitive eardrums. "Cordy, it's okay, it's me, Angel. No one's going to hurt you. He.He's gone."  
  
She lay on the bed, shaking and breathing heavily as she stared at him wide- eyed. Wesley came to her side and touched her shoulder. "It will all be alright Cordelia. We are all here."  
  
Angel slipped out the door, his heart aching inside him at the thought of her thinking he was Angelus. He had hoped that when she woke up, she'd give him her infectious smile and he'd be able to kiss her and hold her and never let her go. But he couldn't because she thought he was the worst demon any of them had ever faced.  
  
Wesley came to the doorway. "Angel, you need to come in here. You can't hide from this."  
  
"I'm not hiding Wesley. I.I just don't want to scare her. I never want to see her that scared, especially because of me."  
  
"Oh, just get in the bloody room man and face the music. You're the only one that can get a reaction out of her. As soon as you left, she went into a catatonic state. Get in here and bring back the woman you love!"  
  
Angel gathered all of his strength and again walked to her bedside. "Cor? Please wake up. I promise, I'll never let anyone hurt you again. Just please come back to us." He watched as the life came back into her eyes, and the fear again. "No Cordy, I'm not him anymore. You made me come back, remember? You told me I had to come back and make things right. Well, that's what I'm trying to do, but you have to come back too. I'm not going to hold up my end of the bargain if you're going to just lay there and stare at the ceiling because you don't want to come back to work." He saw her eyes soften slightly.  
  
"Angel?" she whispered almost too quietly to hear.  
  
"Yes Cordy, it's me. Do you know where you are?"  
  
She looked around the room and lifted up her arm to see the IV's and wires. "Well, with the absence of fluffy clouds and other pretty stuff, I'm guessing not heaven. Oh God, did they send me to Hell because of the part demon thing?" She reached up and grabbed Angel by the front of his shirt. "I don't want to be in Hell."  
  
"You aren't in Hell Cordy, you're back on Earth. You in LA."  
  
"Close enough." She tried to pull the wires and IV's out but Angel stopped her.  
  
"Don't Cor, you'll hurt yourself. Just wait for the doctor." Angel stepped away so the doctor could examine her.  
  
"You'll both have to step out for a bit. We'll have to run some tests and then we'll know if there is any reason she can't go home."  
  
"I don't want to leave her," Angel argued.  
  
"Please sir, we have to examine her. It will take an hour tops. Why don't you and your friend go get a cup of coffee and we'll page you when we're done. Here," the doctor handed Angel a ten dollar bill. "I'll even pay for your dinner since you were able to wake up and identify our Jane Doe," the man smiled thankfully.  
  
"I can't take your money."  
  
"Please, I insist." The doctor turned away and began to take Cordelia's blood pressure and temperature.  
  
"I'll be right back Cordy, I promise."  
  
"You'd better be or I'll find you and kick your ass. I hate hospitals."  
  
Angel smiled and went on a coffee run with Wesley. Almost an hour later, they heard their names being called over the intercom. "Come on Wesley, let's go!" he yelled and pulled the man out of his chair.  
  
Wesley jumped as the hot coffee spilled on the front of him but he couldn't bring himself to yell at Angel. "I'm right behind you Angel."  
  
Angel ran into the room and took Cordy into his arms. "What did the doctor say?"  
  
"Tell me you've got the car, because I've been sprung!!" She hugged him tightly.  
  
As they pulled up outside of the Hyperion, Angel jumped out and lifted Cordy out of the car. "I can walk Angel."  
  
"No, I've got you."  
  
The two men walked through the door and were met by Lorne. "Hiya Wes, Angelcakes. What's been shakin'?" he asked, Seabreeze in hand. "Oh my, is that who I think it is? Princess? Is it really you?"  
  
"If it's not, it's a really good facsimile," she smiled at the demon brightly. "Hi Lorne."  
  
"Oh honey, it's so good to see you. I never thought I'd be so happy to see a human in my life!"  
  
"Hey, part demon now buddy, and don't you forget it," she joked. "Angel, you can put me down. I'm not going anywhere." He sat her on the couch and then sat next to her, his arm still around her. "Ahh.home sweet hell..I mean hotel. I see none of you burned it down in my absence."  
  
"So, where's Connor?" she asked quietly. She knew she had to face the boy sooner or later. She'd rather it be sooner so she didn't have to dread it any longer. She had to make sure he knew that what had happened between them was history.  
  
"Upstairs, I'll go get-" Lorne turned to see the boy standing in the doorway. "Connor, look who-"  
  
In a flash Connor was by the couch, pinning Cordelia to the back. He grabbed her by the throat, his eyes flashing in anger. "Who the Hell are you and what are you doing here? Cordy is dead."  
  
Angel pulled his son off of Cordy and held him away. "What are you doing Connor? That is Cordy. She came back.somehow." He turned to Cordelia. "How did you come back anyways?"  
  
"I, uh, well.um." Cordy fumbled with her words. This was going to be a tough one to explain. 


	8. Anam Cara

Title: Untitled  
  
Author: Lily -- lilyana_vamp@yahoo.com  
  
Rating: R-NC-17...eventually  
  
Disclaimer: I own no one...to my own sadness.  
  
Distribution: If you want it, take it...just let me know where it  
  
went.  
  
Feedback: ..might keep all your favorite characters of the living!  
  
Summary: When the unspeakable happens, the unspeakable is brought  
  
about...but not without some complications.  
  
Author's Notes: This is SOOO needing a name.please make suggestions when you leave feedback!!  
  
Part 8 Anam Cara  
  
Cordelia gave her friends a nervous smile. "How did I come back? Well, there's a funny story about that. A funny, but long story. Very long. Too long to get into now. Look, it's almost bedtime. Guess I'll be turning in. Gotta get my beauty sleep!" She tried to make an escape but Angel caught her arm and sat her back down.  
  
"Cordy?"  
  
"What?" she asked, feigning ignorance.  
  
"How did you get back?"  
  
"I, uh, had a little chit chat with the Powers That Be. Made them see things my way," she answered non-chalantly and tried to stand up again. Angel held her down.  
  
"Cordy, what did you do?"  
  
"Nothing.much."  
  
"Stop dodging the answers. You have to be straight with us."  
  
"I am being straight. Straight as an arrow. I'm flying a straight path.I'm just not leaving a solid trail," she smiled, hoping she could distract him. It didn't work.  
  
"Cordelia, tell me what happened. What went on when you talked with the Powers?"  
  
"They just said that I had to make a sacrifice if I wanted to come back to the hellhole that is Earth," she shrugged as if it were nothing.  
  
"Sacrifice what?" Angel growled quietly.  
  
"The rest of my humanity? Uh oh." She saw the anger flash in Angel's eyes and she made a dash for the stairs. She knew he was right behind her, and knew that everyone else was too shocked to even move. "Angel, listen, I did it for you!"  
  
He gripped her arm tightly and pulled her to him. "That's why I'm upset Cordelia! You should have never sacrificed your humanity for me! It was a very idiotic thing to do! How could you be so stupid?!"  
  
Cordy looked at Angel, the tears burning at her eyes, but she refused to let him see them. "Stupid? Who's been the stupid one here? You go all homicidal just because I died! Did me dying make you that fucking happy?!"  
  
"That has nothing to do with this incredibly rash decision that you made."  
  
"It has everything to do with it. I did it for you. I did it because I love you and you said you loved me. I'd do anything for you Angel. I thought you felt the same way."  
  
"I'd never do something that moronic." His voice was full of anger and disappointment, and if Cordelia hadn't known better, she would have thought Angelus was back. But this was Angel, and it made the words hurt so much worse.  
  
She pushed him away and started for the door.  
  
"Where do you think you're going?" Angel asked fiercely, reaching for her.  
  
Cordy pushed him away from her and when he persisted, she punched him in the face. "You keep your hands off me. I don't want you to touch me. I don't want to feel you. I don't want to see you. No, get away! Stay the Hell away from me!" She ran out the door, trying to hide the tears that were streaming down her face. She sat on the steps, burying her face in her hands. She sobbed uncontrollably, wondering how, if she had given up her humanity she could still feel so much pain. She heard someone approaching her from behind and she wheeled around, stopping her fist just short of Wesley's face.  
  
The Englishman sat beside her and put his arm around her. He didn't talk. He didn't need to. He knew she just needed someone to hold her. "I'm so sorry Cordelia," he whispered finally and her body shook with sobs again. He laid her head on his shoulder and caressed her hair with his hand. "Angel is just upset. I'm sure he'll come around and see that you acted out of love. I believe he's afraid of losing you again, or that you aren't the same woman he fell in love with."  
  
"But I am Wesley. Just because I'm not human anymore doesn't make me a different woman. Okay, so maybe it does a little, but I'm still the same Cordelia Chase in here." She rested her hand over her heart. "I mean, please, it's not like I've sprouted a tail or icky scales or anything." She paused momentarily and looked at Wes. "I haven't, have I?"  
  
"Of course not Cordelia. You are just as beautiful as you were before, maybe even more so."  
  
She smiled slightly. "You know the right things to say Wes. I just don't understand what's keeping you from snaring a lucky little lady yourself."  
  
"Well, it certainly isn't from my lack of attraction to them," he sighed and thought of Fred in her hospital bed, Gunn close by her side.  
  
"Someone will come along Wes, I know it. Someone not Lilah," she smirked.  
  
"I wish I could be a certain as you are," he answered, trying to ignore her last comment.  
  
"No Wes, I know it. As in, I've seen, I've visioned, I've been informed. Someone will come along for you."  
  
Wes looked at her questioningly. "Who? Did you see whom? Is it someone we know?"  
  
"Now, that would just take all the fun out of it! Besides, I can't tell you anyways."  
  
"Why not? I don't remember reading about some sacred secrecy pact."  
  
"No, no pact. I just need someone to wallow in their lonely misery with me."  
  
He smiled at her and hugged her. "He does love you Cordelia. Please don't be upset with him."  
  
"Oh, I'm not upset Wesley." She looked at the former Watcher seriously. "I'm angry. I'm ripped. I'm extremely pissed off." She got to her feet and looked at him through the window. He sat at her computer, looking at the picture Fred had so carefully salvaged from his pre-Angelus outburst. "I could be pretty mean when I was back in Sunnydale. Hell, I was downright cruel, but this tops Queen C. Tops her by a long shot. I could never say things like that to someone that I loved."  
  
"Sometimes love causes us to say things we shouldn't, or do things we wouldn't otherwise."  
  
Angel walked out the door and looked over at Wesley. The man didn't need to be told that Angel wanted to be alone with Cordelia. Wes closed the lobby door behind him and looked at Connor. "Pray for him. I don't believe he knows what he's getting into."  
  
"I told you to leave me alone Angel. I don't want to see you."  
  
"I.I shouldn't have.I said things.I'm.Cor, I didn't mean to hurt you," he stammered, hanging his head like a wounded puppy.  
  
"Yeah, you always hurt the one you love, right? Well guess what Angel; I never signed up for this shit! I never asked to love you and I sure as Hell didn't ask for brain splitting visions, demony goodness or death and resurrection. But guess what, I got it! And I accepted it! You wanna know why? Because of you. Because I thought you needed me. I thought you needed someone who saw you for you and wanted to be around you. God knows you're impossible at times, running away into your broodiness, but I knew you needed someone to light a fire under your ass and get you going. I never gave up on you Angel. I always trusted in your decisions and knew you would do the right thing eventually, after a little fire-lighting of course. I wasn't afraid of you. That is, until tonight."  
  
Angel looked up at her wide-eyed. "What do you mean? Why are you afraid of me?"  
  
"Because the side of you I saw just now was scarier than facing Angelus a thousand times. You wanna know why?" She waited for him to answer and took his silence as a yes. "Because it was YOU. It wasn't because you were expressing your inner demon. It wasn't Angelus trying to turn us against each other again. It was you. The man that I trusted with my life. The man that I loved."  
  
"Maybe I should go.give you some time."  
  
"I don't need time Angel, I needed to be accepted. Now I just want to be left alone."  
  
"Listen Cordy, I'm sorry for hurting you, but I still stand behind my feelings for what you did. I think you made a bad decision for a foolish reason."  
  
Cordelia looked at him in shock. "I can't believe you're still saying this to me. Did you ever love me? I mean really, because after hearing this, I don't think you did."  
  
"I don't know. Maybe I didn't." Angel turned his back and walked into the hotel. She stared after him, not sure if she felt anger, pain, loneliness, devastation or all of the above. She only knew that she couldn't believe those words had just come out of Angel's mouth.  
  
She started down the steps, unsure of where she was going, and looked down to see a large rock at her feet. She picked it up and hurled it through the window, toward Angel. "If you ever come near me again, I swear I'll kill you! I hate you!" The words weren't true, but she didn't care. He didn't care if he hurt her, so why should she care what she said to him? She ran down the street, tears running freely down her face.  
  
Angel flinched and squeezed his eyes shut at the sound of the rock being thrown through the window. He heard her screaming and distinctly heard her say that she hated him. It tore his heart to pieces.  
  
"What did you do to her?" Connor asked sharply.  
  
"What I had to," he answered evenly and shut himself in his office. Over the hours he heard Wes knock a few times, but he just needed to be alone with his thoughts. He hated seeing Cordelia that way. All he ever wanted was for her to be happy and he had just made her the saddest and most pissed off he had ever seen her. "It's for the best."  
  
"Do you really believe that Angel?" Wesley asked, letting himself into the office.  
  
"You don't understand."  
  
"You love her more than you even imagined, but the thought that she'd sacrifice anything for you scares the bloody hell out of you. You're afraid because of what happened in the past so you're willing to throw away what could possibly be the best thing that ever happened to you. What don't I understand?"  
  
Angel looked at Wes for a moment and then out the door. "She sacrificed her life for me, and then her humanity to come back to me. The least I can do is sacrifice my heart."  
  
"By breaking hers? I'm not sure I understand that part."  
  
"I only present a danger to her Wesley. If it's not demons attacking, it's Wolfram & Hart trying to get to me through her, or it's me myself. I can't put her in a position where Angelus is a threat to her. I wouldn't be able to live with myself. I'm just trying to protect her."  
  
Wesley shook his head. "When are you going to learn that Cordelia Chase is not in need of protecting? She spawns more fear than most other creatures in this dimension or any other for that matter. She needs love."  
  
Angel looked back at Wes and then rested his forehead against the heels of his hands. "I really screwed things up, didn't I?"  
  
"Quite. It's going to take some work, that's certain."  
  
"Graveling?"  
  
"I'm thinking more along the lines of flowers, lots of flowers, chocolate and expensive jewelry."  
  
Angel laughed slightly. "Cordelia, you are going to be the death of me."  
  
Cordy handed Fred a glass of water and sat beside her on the couch. Phantom Dennis was kind enough to turn the TV on for them and start the DVD. The two had decided on a Girl's Night, a night of male bashing and gossiping.  
  
It had been a couple weeks since Cordelia had found out that her apartment was still vacant, and, to her own and Dennis's joy, she was able to rent it out again. Fred had been out of the hospital and on the mend for a while, and had helped Cordy move her things out of storage at the Hyperion.  
  
Just as the movie started, Cordy heard a knock at the door. "Who could that be? Dennis, could you be a sweetie?" She heard the door open but didn't hear a voice. "Dennis, was anyone there?" She felt a push towards the door. Upon approaching it, she saw the biggest bouquet of roses she had ever seen. They were a deep red, each one more perfect than the next. "Oh my."  
  
Fred came around the corner and saw the bundle of flowers in Cordy's arms. "Oh my." she agreed and rushed over to smell them. "They are just gorgeous! Where's the card? Who are they from? Oh, I just know they're from Angel!"  
  
Cordy gave a whiny pout. "But I don't want them to be from Angel."  
  
Fred looked at her curiously. "Why not?"  
  
"Because then I might have to start forgiving him!"  
  
Everyday Cordelia opened her door to another gift. There were more flowers, there were chocolates, and then there were more flowers. Her apartment was beginning to look like a catalog for 1-800-FLOWERS.  
  
After a week of the mysteriously appearing gifts, she opened the door to see Angel standing there. In one hand he held a single red rose, and in his other he held a black velvet box with a deep red ribbon tied around it. Cordy felt her body threaten to melt at the sight of him. He looked incredible in his red silk shirt and black leather duster. He offered her a slight smile.  
  
"Hello again."  
  
"Angel, if you're here for forgiveness, you might as well march right back down those stairs," she bluffed, her eyes drawn to the box he held.  
  
"Did you like the flowers?"  
  
"They are beautiful, but that's not the point."  
  
"I picked them all out myself. I only chose the most perfect ones from the shops."  
  
"Angel, I'm trying to be mad at you here."  
  
"Oh, I'm sorry. I'll leave then." He turned and counted in his head. He only made it to two before her hand grabbed his arm.  
  
"Well, since you've gone to the trouble of getting me a gift, I'll humor you."  
  
Angel smiled and handed her the box. The ever-unpredictable Cordelia could be so predictable at times. He watched her carefully pull off the ribbon so as not to wrinkle it. She slowly opened the lid and gasped. "It says 'Anam Cara'. It's Gaelic for 'Soul Friend'. These bracelets are very special in Ireland, and you are very special to me. You brought me back Cordelia. You saved my soul and for that I'm eternally grateful."  
  
Cordy pulled the silver cuff bracelet from the box and let him hook it around her wrist. "Oh Angel, it's beautiful. It's gorgeous. It's.there are no words for what it is!"  
  
"Just like you," he smiled. "Cor, I'm sorry for the things I said to you. I never should have been that.well, I was the stupid one. I never should have gone off on you that way. I was just scared, and I know that I told you that I wasn't scared of love anymore, and now I'm not, but it's just." he began to ramble.  
  
Cordy grabbed him and pulled his lips to hers. She kissed him and quickly decided that this was the deepest, most passionate kiss she had ever experienced, not that one in nowhere land. She pulled back and placed a finger on his lips as he started apologizing again. "Angel, shut up you big dork. You're ruining my Kodak moment." 


	9. Power

Title: Untitled  
  
Author: Lily -- lilyana_vamp@yahoo.com  
  
Rating: R-NC-17...eventually  
  
Disclaimer: I own no one...to my own sadness.  
  
Distribution: If you want it, take it...just let me know where it  
  
went.  
  
Feedback: ..might keep all your favorite characters of the living!  
  
Summary: When the unspeakable happens, the unspeakable is brought  
  
about...but not without some complications.  
  
Author's Notes: This is SOOO needing a name.please make suggestions when you leave feedback!!  
  
Author's Notes 2: Sorry for the delay in this part.I've been busy!! So sue me.or not cause you won't get anything *g* Author's Notes 3: Okay, so I didn't like where this part went before, so I kept the beginning but changed the end.completely.and have already started on part 10. Please leave the feedback.I love the feedback.it's what fuels me!! Thanks!!  
Part 9  
  
Power  
*Things were perfect. They couldn't be better. Unless you consider the undeniable sexual tension. Or the stifling of my fighting career. Constantly hearing 'No, you can't go. It's too dangerous.' It was starting to get incredibly irritating. But otherwise they were perfect. Too perfect.*  
  
"No, you can't go! It's too dangerous! Angel, are you listening to me?!" Cordelia called to him. "Earth to Angel.damn, that sounds like a cheesy fifties song.anyhow, you can't go! I need you."  
  
"Cor, I have to. You know, help the hopeless and all that?"  
  
Cordy pouted at him, her best weapon. "But I'm hopeless. And helpless."  
  
"You are hardly either of the two Cordelia. Now, I'll be back in awhile. If you absolutely need anything, page me. I'll try to figure the damn thing out."  
  
"Yeah right. And I'll be Superwoman," she grumbled under her breath.  
  
"I heard that," he called over his shoulder. "And you're already a Superwoman. You're a Goddess! That's why I know you can handle this." He shut the door before she could come back.  
  
"Oh yeah, kiss ass now buddy, but later, I'm making you scrape the grime out of my fingernails!!" She knelt on the floor and began scrubbing vigorously. "He kills things in the lobby and I'M expected to clean it up. This definitely wasn't in the job description. Of course, I wrote the job description, so maybe I should have included it so I would know what I was getting myself into. This is NEVER going to come out!" she muttered as her pants were stained with bluish demon grime left over from the last fight.  
  
"Cinderelly Cinderelly, good good day Cinderelly, Wash the dishes, scrub the floor," Gunn sang light-heartedly as he came down the stairs.  
  
"Keep it up and I'll turn you into a little mouse with a jacket and a skull cap myself," she glared at him and he held his hands up in defense, a smirk crossing his lips. "And it is oddly disturbing that you know the song to a Disney movie so well."  
  
"Hey, I was a kid once. I rotted my brain with senseless television," he smiled and picked up a scrub brush to help Cordy.  
  
"And this is different now how?" she mocked.  
  
"Hey now! I don't rot my brain with senseless television now.unless you count that day I watched soap operas all day.don't ask, long story, you guys were both on your little hiatuseseses.too many 'es'?"  
  
"Gunn.babble much?"  
  
"Oh, you're one to talk."  
  
"That's it! Prepare to be slimed!!" Cordy screamed and smeared her demon grime covered brush across Gunn's head. She screamed again and ran as he came after her with his own brush. They ran through the lobby, chasing each other, playing a game of tag while covering each other in the slimy substance. They both slipped and fell and landed in a pile of giggles on the floor.  
  
"Gunn, Cordelia, what in Heaven's name is going on out here?" Wesley asked as he opened the office door. "What happened to you two?"  
  
Cordy giggled uncontrollably and Gunn struggled to sit up, slipping time and again in the sludge. "We were, uh, just cleaning," he laughed.  
  
"I believe you are making more of a disaster than you are cleaning it up," the man sighed and walked back into the office. "I swear you two were separated at birth.in another life."  
  
They helped each other off of the floor and looked at the lobby. They had succeeded in covering everything that had previously been untouched by demon fluid and Cordy groaned. "Great, now we have even more cleaning to do!"  
  
"Have fun Barbie!" Gunn yelled and tried to bolt for the door.  
  
"Uh uh! You're staying right here! No way! Freeze!" Cordelia yelled back and pointed her finger at her friend. Upon saying so, Gunn froze in his tracks. "Whoa.how'd you do that Gunn? That is an unbelievably weird position you managed to stop in," she asked, looking at his form frozen in a mid-run stance.  
  
"Um.Cordy, I can't move." Gunn tried to move his head, his arms, his legs, but to no avail.  
  
"Very funny."  
  
"I'm serious. I can't move. I'm stuck. And I'm getting a hell of a Charlie- horse in my right thigh."  
  
Cordy looked at him in astonishment and then looked at her finger. "Whoa," she repeated. "I'm REALLY powerful now. I AM a Superwoman! How shock-worthy is that? Oh I wish I could pull some of this on Harmony and all those little sheep back in Sunnyhell."  
  
"Uh Cordy."  
  
"I'd just point a finger at them and tell them to freeze and them give them all a piece of my mind!"  
  
"Cordy! Stop babbling and do something!" Gunn yelled impatiently.  
  
"Okay, jeez, don't be so impatient. You got somewhere important to go?"  
  
"I ain't going nowhere if you don't unfreeze my ass and soon!!"  
  
Cordelia rolled her eyes and pointed at Gunn. "Uh, unfreeze!" She waited for him to move, but he didn't. "What the hell? I said, unfreeze!" She shook her finger as if trying to shake the power back into it. "Uh oh."  
  
"What do you mean uh oh? I don't like uh oh. Uh oh's are bad. Get me out of this Cordy!"  
  
"Okay, I'll go get Wes. Don't go anywhere!" she told him in a slightly panicked voice.  
  
"Where the hell am I going to go? You froze me!!" Gunn called back.  
  
"Hey Wes, we got a little problem." Cordy stood in the doorway, playing with her hands and Wesley looked at her questioningly. "I kinda sorta froze Gunn."  
  
Wesley rose to his feet and looked through the doorway at the frozen Gunn. "How did you do that Cordelia?"  
  
"I just kinda pointed at him and said 'freeze'. Yeah, I know, it sounds lame, but that's what happened!"  
  
"Well, unfreeze him the same way," Wes said matter-of-factly.  
  
"Tried that. Didn't work," she sighed. "Man, Fred is gonna be pissed at me!"  
  
"I do imagine she will be slightly upset, but I'd concentrate on Gunn for the moment. Let's at least get him on the couch so he's not standing in the doorway like some kind of statue." The two grabbed Gunn's arms and rested him against the couch.  
  
"Hey, have you ever seen that McDonald's commercial where the kids just freeze when they need a Big Kids Meal.I think it's McDonald's anyways."  
  
"Cordelia, I hardly think that is of importance right now," Wes frowned and picked up a book.  
  
"Sorry, it just popped into my mind. Great, you be booky and find a cure for Gunn's freezies and I'll go see what else I can do. I wonder if Willow can do that? Does this make me a witch?"  
  
"I think you're a little more than a witch Cordelia. We have yet to fully assess what the consequences of your sacrificing your humanity to the Powers are, and this may be an adverse affect. I just hope this is not an irreversible action on your part," he said as he leafed through the book.  
  
"Okay, now in normal people terms that would mean.?" she looked at him blankly.  
  
"We don't know what happened to you when you left your humanity with the Powers and hopefully we can unfreeze Gunn."  
  
"Oh, well why didn't you just say that in the first place?" She pointed her finger at Gunn again. "Unfreeze damn you!"  
  
"Hey, it's not my fault! You're the one who froze me!"  
  
"Yeah, sorry 'bout that." She turned and pointed her finger at Wesley. "What else do you think I can do?"  
  
Wes quickly grabbed her finger and pointed it away from himself. "I'm not exactly sure, and until I am, please don't point you finger and say anything.to anyone."  
  
"Oh, you're no fun," she pouted again and heard the lobby door open.  
  
"What.Cordelia! Are you okay?!" Angel ran to her side in a flash.  
  
"I'm fine, but Gunn seems to be having issues," she non-chalantly pointed.  
  
"Hey, watch where you're pointing that thing!" Gunn yelled.  
  
Angel looked at Gunn and poked him in the arm with his own finger. "Gunn, why are you frozen?"  
  
"It seems your little girlfriend here brought back some pretty awesome power. Like the freezing kind."  
  
"You did this?" Angel asked in shock.  
  
"Yeah, but it was an accident, honest! He and I were cleaning.well we were.before we started chasing each other.but that's not the point.and then he started leaving, so I pointed at him and said 'freeze'. That's it. It's not like I planned it or anything," she cried defensively. "And yes, I tried to unfreeze him, but I guess lamer doesn't reverse lame."  
  
Angel shook his head in confusion. "What do we do Wes? I mean, we can't leave Gunn like this."  
  
"Like what?" Fred asked as she walked down the stairs.  
  
"Oh no." Cordy sighed.  
  
"I'm a little on the stiff side Baby," Gunn answered her.  
  
Everyone but Fred groaned; she blushed. "Charles!"  
  
"Way more info than I EVER needed to know!" Cordelia shivered.  
  
"What?.Oh! No! Not like that! Man, you guys are gutter-minded! I meant frozen!!"  
  
"Wes, we need to find a way to fix this. Gunn can't stay frozen forever."  
  
"I'm working on it Angel," Wes sighed from behind his book.  
  
In the conversation, Cordelia slipped out of the room. She sat quietly against the wall, almost in tears. She wished she could tell her friends everything, but she didn't think they'd understand. They had no idea what she did to come back to them and now she was making an even bigger mess of things. She didn't want to hurt any of them, but she was doing it anyways.  
  
Angel followed her and sat beside her silently. He touched her leg in a comforting gesture and then squeezed it. "It's alright Cor. We'll fix Gunn. Wes and Fred are on it as we speak."  
  
"I can't believe I froze my friend! I mean, we were just playing around, having a good time and then boom, he's an Ice Pop! I swear I didn't mean to do it Angel."  
  
"I know Cordy. We'll figure everything out, I promise."  
  
She smiled at him, knowing he would make everything that he possibly could better. Even with the horrible consequences of before, she couldn't help wondering if she could do it again.or what else she might be able to do and she said as much to Angel.  
  
"Well, I'm not sure Cordy, and I'm not ready for you to experiment on me. I'm not crazy on the idea of having to share an icecube tray with Gunn," he joked and she slapped his arm playfully.  
  
"Not helping with the guilt here."  
  
"Sorry," he answered sheepishly.  
  
"I need something to try this on," she spoke determinedly, waving her finger around in the air.  
  
"Umm..how about not waving your finger around until we figure out the specifics of your power." He jumped up and grabbed her hand. "Come on."  
  
"Where are we going?"  
  
"What better way to play with your new found powers than to go fight some evil?" he asked and led a grinning Cordelia out the hotel doors.  
  
"Now Cordy! Freeze him!"  
  
"I'm trying Angel! I'm not exactly an expert at this yet!"  
  
"Cordy! Now!"  
  
"Shut up Angel! You're ruining my concentration!"  
  
"Cordelia!!" Angel struggled with the demon, trying to keep it's back turned to Cordy so she could work her talents on him.  
  
Cordy shook her finger repeatedly and pointed it at the demon. "Freeze!! Freeze now!! It's not working Angel!"  
  
"Come on Cordy! Concentrate!"  
  
"I am!! It's not working!!"  
  
"Then don't concentrate! Just do it and don't think about it! Think about something else!!"  
  
Cordy focused on the first thing that popped into her mind. She wasn't sure if it was a good thing to focus on or not. She thought about what it would be like to be kissing Angel, to feel his arms wrapped around her, his hands roaming of their own accord, his icy skin pressing against her fiery. She felt his lips travel down her neck, nipping gently at the crook of her neck and his fingers hook around the waistband of her pants. They crept down inside of the fabric, and she suddenly didn't want this to happen in a daydream. "Don't you move another inch buddy!" she yelled and unconsciously pointed a finger at the demon.  
  
"You did it Cor!!" Angel applauded and chopped the head off the demon. "Great job!"  
  
"Don't you dare tell me that the severed head is my prize."  
  
"Of course not. What were you thinking about anyways? You seemed to be getting all-"  
  
"Nothing," she interrupted and started walking through the tunnels.  
  
"Nothing huh? It looked like something to me." He grinned. He had a feeling she was thinking about him. Thinking about the same things he thought about when he was alone. "You were breathing heavier, and the sweat-"  
  
"Okay Angel, enough with the play by play! I wasn't thinking about anything in particular. I guess it was just the new power. It must have gotten to me while I was not concentrating on saving your ass!"  
  
"Saving my ass?! I could've taken that demon easily!"  
  
"Oh? And why didn't you? You had to wait until I froze him and saved you before you could lop his head off!"  
  
"I was just trying to give you a chance to try out your new powers! And hey! Don't change the subject! What was getting you all hot and bothered? I could smell the arousal-"  
  
"Eww much?! You so didn't have to share the details of your enhanced sense of smell!" she scolded, keeping her back to him, hiding her flushed face.  
  
"What was it Cordy? What got you going?"  
  
Cordy turned around and pushed him against the tunnel wall forcefully. "You really want to know Angel? Are you sure you can handle it?"  
  
"Cordy, I just-"  
  
She leaned in close so her lips were just brushing his and narrowed her eyes. "I was just thinking about how damn hot Gunn looked today all covered in demon grime, chasing me around the lobby."  
  
Angel looked at her speechless and she let him go. Cordy picked up an axe and slung it over her shoulder as she began walking through the tunnels again. Angel wasn't sure what to say. He was certain she had been thinking about him and the thought of her thinking of Gunn in that way infuriated him. He didn't have any control over her, but he still thought of her as his and his alone. He didn't want to share her, even if he wasn't having anything with her himself.  
  
"Uh.Cordy?" he finally called after her.  
  
"What Angel?" she answered abruptly.  
  
"You're going the wrong.home's that way."  
  
Cordelia turned with a huff and passed him without a word. He followed in silence, the pain and anger growing inside him with each and every step. How could she think of another man that way after the things she said to him when she was convincing him to take the control away from Angelus? 'Did she even mean a word of it?' 


	10. I Don't Know You At All Anymore

Title: Untitled  
  
Author: Lily -- lilyana_vamp@yahoo.com  
  
Rating: R-NC-17...eventually  
  
Disclaimer: I own no one...to my own sadness.  
  
Distribution: If you want it, take it...just let me know where it  
  
went.  
  
Feedback: ..might keep all your favorite characters of the living!  
  
Summary: When the unspeakable happens, the unspeakable is brought  
  
about...but not without some complications.  
  
Author's Notes: This is SOOO needing a name.please make suggestions when you leave feedback!!  
  
Author's Notes 2: Okay, the parts are coming further apart now because I just went back to work from my maternity leave. Damn slave drivers they are! ;)  
  
Part 10 I Don't Know You At All Anymore  
  
"Why does he have to be so friggin arrogant?" Cordelia asked between bites of Chinese food.  
  
"Arrogant? Angel?" Fred asked with a confused look on her face. The Angel she knew was rather bashful and timid around intimate subjects.  
  
"Yeah, it was like he was so damn sure I was thinking about him."  
  
"Well, were you?"  
  
"Uh.that's not the point."  
  
"Then what is?"  
  
"The fact that he thinks all I think about is him. He doesn't think I think about other men. So I told him it wasn't him I was thinking about."  
  
"Who did you tell him you were thinking about?"  
  
"Ummm.Gunn?"  
  
"Oh," Fred acknowledged cheerfully and then stopped chewing her fried rice. "Oh."  
  
"It's not like I think about him like that Fred. He's like my big brother, albeit a very hunky, muscle-y big brother. But that's so not the point. I just said it to get a rise out of Angel."  
  
Fred smiled in acceptance. "So, do you think it worked?"  
  
Cordy sighed and studied her chicken fingers intently. "A little too well maybe. Fred, do chickens actually have fingers?"  
  
"Uh, not that I'm aware of."  
  
"Oh." She looked over at the discarded McDonald's bag. "Fred, wings, thighs, breasts," she listed, counting each one on her fingertips. "What part of the chicken do the nuggets come from?" She looked at the young scientist with a worried expression and Fred began coughing and choking on her dinner.  
  
"Gunn, how do you.what do you.do you think." Angel began.  
  
"Yo, Angel, spit it out already. I'm gonna have all these put away before you finish your question. And if you're hitting on me, I'll be taking your dust out with the trash."  
  
"Hitting on you?! No, I was wondering if you've been hitting on Cordelia!"  
  
"What? Cinderella?"  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"Oh, nothing. Inside joke. No, I haven't been hitting on Cordy."  
  
Angel wasn't sure if he was relieved or not. If Gunn hadn't been hitting on her, why was she having ithoughts/i about him?  
  
"Why do you ask?"  
  
"Just something she said earlier." Angel dropped his sword and left his pile of weapons waiting to be put away.  
  
"Oh sure, leave all the fucking work to the black guy," Gunn muttered sarcastically bud didn't get a response. "Angel, you okay?" He watched as Angel walked up the staircase in silence.  
  
Cordelia walked into the dark room to see Angel sitting by the window. She knew it was never a good sign when he started acting all vampire-y. "Uh oh, are we launching full broodiness mode?" she joked as cheerfully as she could manage. She felt terrible for hurting him, but he had just made her so damn angry. "Angel?" she asked when he didn't so much as acknowledge her presence.  
  
"Go home Cordelia," he spoke flatly from the dark.  
  
"Look Angel, about before-"  
  
"Go home."  
  
"I'm sorry. I swear, I don't think of Gunn that way."  
  
"Cordelia. I said-"  
  
"I mean, I don't think 'think' about Gunn. I was thinking about-"  
  
"Cordelia." Angel's voice was getting more and more forceful as she ignored him and continued talking.  
  
"I was thinking about-"  
  
Angel jumped from the chair and grabbed her arms tightly. "Do you ever shut up?" he growled, his eyes flashing gold.  
  
Cordy felt the tears sting in her eyes and knew there was no way to hide them from Angel, even in the dark. They were too big. "I was just trying to tell you that it was you I was thinking about."  
  
"Well, I don't want to hear it." He let go of her with a little shove and she looked at him with hurt and shock. "I don't even want to look at you."  
  
Cordy felt her Queen C persona creep to the surface in the face of confrontation. "Well, guess what.you're gonna look at me. You can't talk to me that way Angel.if you had a last name, I'd be using it right now."  
  
"How are you going to stop me Cordelia? Freeze me like you did Gunn? Or perhaps you can just bitch me to death," he shot back angrily.  
  
"You know Angel, you have a right to be angry, but this is ridiculous. Okay, so I told a little white lie to make you jealous. That hardly justifies what you're doing." She knew her voice was wavering, but she did her best not to break down in front of him.  
  
"What you said about Gunn is only the beginning."  
  
"Well, how about filling me in because I feel like I missed this part of the movie!"  
  
Angel whirled around to face her, his expression a mix of anger and confliction. "How about these stupid decisions you're making for one! Giving up your humanity on a whim!"  
  
"Oh, we're back to that are we? Well, I know for a fact that you did something rather similar! Yeah, the Powers showed me! You were human for a day and you gave it up and we all conveniently forgot!"  
  
"That was different. I gave it up so that I could help others and to fulfill my destiny, not for some stupid, petty reason like."  
  
"Like what Angel? Like love? Glad to know what you think about our relationship, if you could call it one. I'd have you know that I gave up mine to help others and you! I came back to be with you, yes, but also to be your seer, to help the hopeless, yadda yadda yadda. Not everything is about you!"  
  
Angel glared at her, his body language very closed off. "You need to leave Cordelia."  
  
"Oh, so now you're kicking me out because you know I'm right?"  
  
"No, I'm kicking you out because I tried to before you even started."  
  
"You should know me better than-"  
  
"That's the problem Cordelia. I don't know you at all anymore. I wish you hadn't accepted the offer of the demon, and I wish you hadn't given up your humanity. You aren't the woman I fell in love with anymore." The instant the words came out, Angel wished he could take them back and wrap Cordy in his arms, but it was too late. He had said it and the look on her face said it all. The tears began to roll freely down her cheeks, her resolve broken.  
  
Cordy lowered her eyes and wiped the tears with her hand. She looked up at him again, her chin raised and her jaw stiff. "Fine. I see how it is. See if I ever do anything for you again. I quit."  
  
"You can't quit Cordy," Angel told her softly.  
  
"I can so quit. See this," she motioned to herself with her hands. "This is me quitting. Find yourself another seer. One that more fits your expectations because I am who I am Angel. I thought you of all people could accept that." Cordelia walked out the door and slammed it behind her.  
  
Angel stood in the dark room and felt his own tears begin to fall. He never meant to say that to her, it just came out. He wondered if he should go after her but then decided that it probably wouldn't do any good. He'd screwed things up.again.  
  
Cordelia stood in front of her car and mentally slapped herself for leaving her keys inside the hotel. "There's no way in hell I'm going back in there now. I'll just call and have Fred bring them to me tomorrow." She began walking along the deserted street, headed for her apartment.  
  
"Hey gorgeous," she heard someone say. Her skin crawled at the sound and she knew she was in trouble.  
  
"So not interested," she snapped and turned to see a half a dozen vampires. "Oh shit."  
  
"Yeah. We got a message for Angel, and you're going to deliver it."  
  
"Oh, well, you'll have to deliver it yourself 'cause Angel and I don't work together anymore," she smiled nervously and backed away. They surrounded her.  
  
"Don't worry, you don't need to talk to him to deliver this message. You're corpse will do it for you."  
  
"Corpse? Oh, you mean I'm going to die, 'cause I already did that it and it just wasn't all they made it out to be." she said and then screamed as the vampire she assumed to be the leader advanced on her. "Freeze!" she yelled and pointed her finger at him.  
  
He stopped and looked at her like she was crazy. "What are you doing?"  
  
"Oh shit." she repeated when she realized that it didn't work. "Why do the Powers give me a power that doesn't work when I need it to? More importantly, why don't they ever warn me when I'm going to be the helpless? Help!!!!"  
  
The vampires attacked her, and she fought them off to the best of her non- human abilities, but there was just too many of them. She felt her head hit the ground with a sickening crack and then welcomed the unconsciousness. As she faded, she heard a vaguely familiar voice.  
  
"I suggest you get the hell away from the girl before I bloody dust you all."  
  
Angel heard the commotion downstairs and finally went to see what it was all about. There he saw the last person he'd expected. "Spike, what are you doing here?" he asked coldly.  
  
"It's bloody nice to see you too Angel," he answered sarcastically. "Now how about tell me what you said to the cheerleader to make her run off and almost get herself killed."  
  
Angel's body stiffened and he took a couple of steps toward Spike. "What are you talking about?"  
  
"I'm talking about the pack of vamps that planned to make you're seer dinner. Said somethin' about sending you a message. Planned to do that with a dead body, but I think that pretty much sums up the message without the death." He stepped aside and motioned to Cordelia's unconscious form lying on the front desk. For a split second Angel thought about how pissed she was going to be when she woke up and saw all the blood staining the smooth wood.  
  
"Cor?" He saw the puncture marks that covered her body and felt a pang of guilt. If he hadn't said those things to her, she never would have run out and gotten into this mess. "It's all my fault."  
  
"Well, I don't know the particulars, but by the way the vamps talked before I told the ones that were still alive to sod off, it is your fault. You are the one they were trying to get to. They were just using Cordy here as their messenger."  
  
"I don't need your insight Spike," Angel snapped.  
  
"Well, someone's got his knickers in a twist," he smiled and then regained his seriousness when he saw that Angel was not amused. "Look Angel, I don't know what happened back here, but I know you love the girl. Don't waste time blaming yourself right now and get down to business. I'm here to help if you want."  
  
"Why are you really here Spike? Why did you come to LA?"  
  
"That's not important right now. Let's get the cheerleader patched up and do some damage to the bastards that did this and then we'll talk Sunnydale."  
  
Angel nodded for argument sake and leaned down to Cordelia. "Cordy?"  
  
She opened her pain-filled eyes and whimpered. "Angel."  
  
"Cor, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry for all of this, all that you've gone through. If I had it to do all over again, I'd figure out another way for you to survive the visions without the demon aspect; I'd keep you from dying and having to give up your humanity to come back."  
  
"Angel.I need to show you something." Cordelia reached for Angel's hand and as she gripped it, a bright light blinded him.  
  
"How can I tell him Dennis? He's going to be so upset. I mean, do I just slip it into the conversation? 'Yeah, that was a great fight. We have some clients that haven't paid their bills yet. These visions are killing me. Literally. I'm dying.' For some reason it just doesn't flow," she sighed and looked out the window.  
  
"What?" she heard a gasp from the doorway. She turned to see Angel.  
  
"Oh, hi Angel."  
  
"What do you mean you're dying?"  
  
Cordy giggled nervously. "Oh, it's nothing Angel. Don't worry about it."  
  
"Don't do that Cordelia."  
  
"Don't do what?"  
  
"Don't try and make this out to be no big deal dammit! Why didn't you tell me you're dying?" he asked, tears blinding him.  
  
"Because I didn't know how. Did you hear the role play I just did? Did that work for you?"  
  
"Cordy, I want to help you."  
  
She smiled sadly at him. "There's nothing you can do Angel. I guess it's my destiny."  
  
Angel looked at the hospital room. He wasn't sure he could do this. It had been weeks since her last vision, the one that had put her here in an unrecoverable coma. He had spent days on end at her side, sleeping in a chair at her bedside, his head resting beside hers on the pillow. He had talked to her and held her hand, hoping for any sign of awakening, but he received nothing. He had never given up hope, but today was the day.  
  
The doctors said there was no chance of her coming back. The life support machine was doing the breathing for her and there was virtually no brain activity. It was time to let her go. He took his place at her bedside one last time and squeezed her hand gently. He knew she wouldn't want to be like this. He couldn't leave her this way. This wasn't living. It was just existing. It would be selfish of him to keep her breathing by machine. "I wish there was something we could have done Cordy," he told her quietly. "There should have been something the Powers could have done to save you. It shouldn't have happened this way."  
  
"It's time Angel," Wesley whispered solemnly and Angel nodded. The doctor flipped the switch on the machine and Angel watched as Cordelia's chest slowly came to a standstill and listened as her heart came to a stop. He felt the tears choking at him.  
  
"Call it?" one of the technicians asked the doctor.  
  
"9:23 am."  
  
Angel leaned down and pressed his lips to hers and felt a tear fall from his cheek.  
  
Angel blinked and looked down at Cordelia. There she was, lying on the front desk, pretty beaten up, but definitely alive.  
  
"Okay, that was bloody un-nerving," Spike said suddenly. "I think I may have permanent vision damage after that brightness."  
  
Angel ignored the blonde vampire and looked down at his seer. "Oh Cordy, I'm sorry." For the first time he understood why she had accepted the demon becoming part of her, because, in that other reality, he would have wished it to spare her from that pain, and that death. "I understand now."  
  
"It's about damn time," she whispered and Angel laughed slightly. There was the Cordy he had fallen in love with.  
  
"Uh, I hate to break up this Hallmark reconciliation, but if she's going to be okay, we have another problem. The Slayer-"  
  
"Buffy?" Angel asked with concern.  
  
Cordelia groaned. Couldn't she just have one beautiful moment with iher/i vampire without someone, namely a little blonde slayer, ruining the mood?  
  
"We've got a bloody right mess on our hands back in Sunnydale." 


	11. Returning to Sunnydale

Title: Untitled  
  
Author: Lily -- lilyana_vamp@yahoo.com  
  
Rating: R-NC-17...eventually  
  
Disclaimer: I own no one...to my own sadness.  
  
Distribution: If you want it, take it...just let me know where it  
  
went.  
  
Feedback: ..might keep all your favorite characters of the living!  
  
Summary: When the unspeakable happens, the unspeakable is brought  
  
about...but not without some complications.  
  
Author's Notes: This is SOOO needing a name.please make suggestions when you leave feedback!!  
  
Author's Notes 2: So they're not as far apart as I anticipated. What can I say, my muse was quite active today!  
  
Part 11 Returning to Sunnydale  
  
"This is a nightmare. Tell me this is a nightmare. Someone please pinch me and wake me up. OW!" Cordelia rubbed her wounded arm as she put the last article of clothing in her bag. "That was rhetorical Charles Gunn!"  
  
Gunn grinned and picked up her numerous bags. "Aren't we going on business? I don't think you need your entire wardrobe to fight evil."  
  
"I'm going back to Sunnydale. I need everything I've got.and then some."  
  
"I don't see why you are so freaked about going to Sunnydale. I'd think you'd be glad to see your friends again."  
  
"Friend is such a relative term." She dropped a pair of shoes on top of her pile of belongings in Gunn's arms. "I was hoping I'd never have to go back to Sunnyhell."  
  
"It's alright Barbie. We won't stay for long, I hope. Not a small town guy myself."  
  
They walked downstairs and Angel felt a twinge of jealousy seeing the two of them together. He forced a slight smile and helped Gunn with the bags. "Ready to go?"  
  
"Just dying to get back," Cordy muttered. "'Course I was dying to get out too.and almost died there. Are we all finding a theme here? Sunnydale equals death. I don't understand why Buffy can't do this without us. She's a big girl now, and if Willow is still all Wicca-Chick.am I the only one who-"  
  
"Cordelia, Buffy needs our help. We can't just tell her we won't come because we don't want to."  
  
"Well why not?" Cordy's eyes met Angel's and she rolled hers. "Fine. Hi Ho, Off to Sunnydale we go."  
  
Cordy plastered on her biggest smile and walked through the door of Buffy's house. "Oh look, the Scooby Gang's all here.along with tons of teenage girls?" She turned and looked at Wesley. "I know you said that her sister was some sort of mystical thing, but.is this an epidemic?"  
  
"I believe these are the potential slayers," Wesley whispered.  
  
"Ahh.poor girls. A lifetime of loser-hood ahead of them."  
  
"I thought you said she'd grown," Buffy said, glancing at Angel. He looked at Cordelia with a warning glare and she put up her hands.  
  
"What? Just living up to the expectations they all have for me."  
  
"Maybe you should have your igirlfriend/i go to the mall or something. Wouldn't want to cramp her style," Buffy spoke sarcastically and motioned to Giles.  
  
"If I stay, Cordy stays. She's part of the team Buffy."  
  
"Fine. Whatever."  
  
Giles filled the members of Angel Investigations in on the First Evil and introduced each of the potential slayers. In turn, Angel introduced his friends to the Sunnydale gang. When he got to Connor, he paused slightly. "This is Connor.my.son." Everyone in the room gasped.  
  
"I didn't think that was possible," Kennedy whispered to Willow who just shrugged.  
  
"You have a son?" Buffy asked with hurt in her voice.  
  
"Buffy, don't you have a big bad that you need our help with?" Cordelia asked, trying to cut the tension. She only added to it.  
  
"Why don't you get the hell out of my house. You have no place here, and you have no place at Angel's side," the blonde spat.  
  
"Oh, now I remember the main reason I didn't want to come back here.you." Cordelia turned on her heels and stormed out of the house.  
  
"Cordy!" Angel called after her, but she was long gone.  
  
She had never felt like a part of the group. Why did she think this time would be any different? "Oh, that's right. I didn't. I tried to tell Angel, but did he listen? No. He let Little Miss Sunnydale kick me out and insult me."  
  
"Hello Princess," a voice spoke from behind her.  
  
She turned to see a very familiar Irishman. "Doyle?" she gasped. "Oh wait, First Evil, dead people. Leave me alone you big.evil you."  
  
"But Princess, I hate seein' him treat ya like that. I mean, how could he let that puny thing talk to ya that way? It's just not right."  
  
"Umm, hello, no news to me. If you're trying to rattle me, it's not gonna work. Doyle's dead."  
  
"Fine. Die with the rest of them!" the First hissed and disappeared into the night.  
  
"All flash and no substance." She marched back into the Summers' home and ignored the icy stare from Buffy. "So what's the plan Giles? You're baddie just really pissed me off. No one messes with me or my friends.not even the dead ones."  
  
"What did you see Cordelia?" Giles asked as he cleaned his glasses.  
  
"It was.Doyle," she answered and looked at Angel. He alone could see the pain and torment caused by the sight of the first using Doyle's image.  
  
"Who's Doyle?" Xander asked with a hand raised.  
  
"I'd say no one now if the First appeared as him," Anya answered simply and Cordelia glared at her.  
  
"Don't you ever say something like that again! Doyle was a good man, and he was a hero!" she yelled at Anya. Angel took his seer into his arms and held her shaking body.  
  
"Shhh.it's okay Cor."  
  
Xander looked at the body language between the two and stood up. "Wait a minute.are those two together?"  
  
"Now, what exactly is this spell suppose to do again?" Gunn asked uneasily.  
  
"It's suppose to summon the power of the First so we can contain it and destroy it," Willow answered from inside the circle.  
  
"Now everyone remember, this is going to be very perilous. The First is going to make it's greatest attempts to control us. Keep your guard up." Giles handed the ingredients to Willow one at a time and she began the spell.  
  
Cordelia didn't understand anything Willow said, but she felt the power in the room. In seconds, she saw the witch's eyes turn to a coal black and heard a very un-natural voice coming from her. "You don't know what you're dealing with."  
  
"My first guess would be something evil?" Cordelia asked, trying to be as snarky as possible.  
  
"Cor."  
  
"What? Like we all don't know."  
  
They all watched as the First threw Willow from the circle. Cordelia looked at the center of the circle and saw Doyle. She fought the pull, knowing it was just a trick of the First's, but he looked so real.  
  
"Come on Princess. Ya made me wait so long before ya'd give me a chance. Don't make me wait any longer."  
  
"Doyle," she whispered sadly and bit her lip.  
  
"No Cordy, that's not Doyle. You know it's not. We saw Doyle die, remember?"  
  
"Yes, remember Cordelia." Cordy closed her eyes involuntarily and opened them to find herself standing face to face with Francis Doyle. She looked at the light hanging from the top of the ship and felt the dread inside of her. She knew what was about to happen.  
  
The others watched as Cordy closed her eyes and began to cry. None of them knew what she was seeing except for Angel. He knew exactly what card the First was playing. "No Cordy! Don't believe it! It's not real!"  
  
Willow struggled to her feet and grabbed the dagger from an awe-struck Xander and hurled it into the circle, directly at the center of the power.  
  
As the room was filled with a rush of power, Cordelia was thrown against the wall. She opened her eyes and looked at Angel. She began sobbing when he picked her up. "Oh Angel, it was terrible. He did it again. He kissed me again and gave me those damn visions," she cried and then began shaking. "Oh god I miss him."  
  
"I know Cordy, I do too."  
  
"How is she?" Buffy asked quietly. She had never seen Cordelia like that before. It made her actually seem human.  
  
"She's been better. That really messed with her," Angel said as he closed the door quietly.  
  
"Were her and Doyle.?"  
  
"Given time, they might have been. He really liked her. He was in love with her, and I think she was falling for him, but he had to go and be a hero before they could even go out on a date."  
  
"Oh." Buffy didn't know what else to say so she went back downstairs. "What do we do now Willow? I mean, did that kill the First?"  
  
"I'd say no. It was too easy."  
  
"But the loud noise and swirly wind?"  
  
"I don't know Buffy. I guess we'll just have to wait and see."  
  
Cordelia opened the door and walked down the hallway. "Hey Cordy. You sure you're up to being up?" Xander asked from the staircase.  
  
"I'm sure. But I think you need to be down," she snarled and pointed her outstretched arm in his direction, throwing him down the stairs with an invisible force from the palm of her hand. "Thanks Doyle. You just have a knack for giving me power, don't you?"  
  
"Are you sure it was Cordelia?" Wesley asked worriedly.  
  
"Let's see, about yay tall, brown hair, beautiful. Yeah, that sounds like Cordelia to me. But there was definitely something different.like oh say, the throwing me down the stairs without even touching me!"  
  
"Dammit! She said she didn't want to come here. Why did I insist?"  
  
"Because you thought her power would be of some help Angel. It's not your fault this happened to her. It could have been any of us. The First is cunning and powerful and-"  
  
"Okay Wes, I get it. We just have to find Cordelia and-"  
  
"Kill her?" Anya asked.  
  
"No! Don't hurt her."  
  
"Angel, you have to accept the possibility that we may have to-"  
  
"Look Buffy, I don't expect you to understand, but I do expect you to help. This is your town, but she's my seer. I need her. We all need her."  
  
"Bloody hell man. You keep getting her into jams like this, she ain't gonna wanna come back to work for you," Spike pointed out.  
  
"Let's find her," Angel sighed impatiently.  
  
"I swear, this place is the Mecca of all evildom," Xander muttered as they approached the old mansion. "For once I'd like to come here and not fight for my life."  
  
"Hopefully we won't have to fight Xander," Giles reminded the young man somberly.  
  
"Yes, hopefully this spell will do the trick and bring back Cordelia." Wesley calculated the precise positioning of each of them during the spell. Everything had to be perfect or it wouldn't work.  
  
"Cordelia?" Angel called, sensing her presence within. "Cordy, we're here to help."  
  
"Help? You can't help her now," the First grinned, wearing Cordelia's face.  
  
"Let her go."  
  
"Or you'll do what? Kill me? Could you actually kill your beloved Cordelia?" She walked up to Angel, inviting him to attack her, which he did not. "I didn't think so." She backhanded him, sending him flying up against the marble fireplace. He fell to the ground, unconscious. "Some Champion. Down for the count already."  
  
"I didn't think the First could touch things," one of the potentials asked another quietly.  
  
"Look at all the little girls. That's all you are, you know. Little girls. You're nothing special. The only way you will be is if another one of you dies. Hmm.what a lovely concept. How about I just kill you all. And as far as me not being tangible, well let's just say, this isn't the first time I've inhabited this body."  
  
Gunn took a step forward. "What the hell are you talking about? What have you done to Cordelia?"  
  
"Done to her? Nothing. I couldn't have done anything without her. Of course, things were so easy when the PTB called her to be a Higher Being. A beautiful, vacant body that I could do all kinds of damage with." She reached out her hand and pulled a stunned Connor to her as Angel regained consciousness. "I still can't believe how easily you all believed that Cordelia would sleep with little Connor here. You were all so easy!"  
  
Angel thought back to the things he had said to Connor as Angelus. 'Do you really think she loved you Little Boy?' 'You were nothing to her.' None of that had been her and they had all fallen for it. All of them but Angelus.  
  
"How can this be possible Giles? How can the First change the rules in the middle of the game?" Buffy asked.  
  
"I'm not entirely certain Buffy. We don't know everything about the First, so there may be other aspects that we aren't aware of."  
  
"That's comforting."  
  
"Why Cordelia?" Angel asked as he struggled to his feet.  
  
"Because she was there. Oh and because she's so powerful. But mostly, because she was the closest link to Angelus."  
  
Angel nodded. He had known the answer before he had even asked the question. It was never about Cordelia solely. The First was going for Angelus. "If it's Angelus you want, then you have to make a deal with me."  
  
"Angel! Are you crazy?" Buffy yelled out.  
  
"Shut up and stay out of this Buffy." Angel turned back to the First with a questioning look.  
  
"A deal? What kind of deal? I let your friends live and you'll give me Angelus?"  
  
"No, you let me lose my soul the way that I've wanted to for a very long time. You let me have Cordelia back for that long."  
  
Buffy's jaw tightened and the tears filled her eyes. Spike put his arm around her and squeezed her gently. "It's okay Love. We'll fix everything."  
  
The First smiled at Angel and shoved Connor away from her. "Done."  
  
Gunn took a step forward as Angel turned to him. "Angel, you can't do this. Cordy will kill you.literally."  
  
"The First will kill everyone if I don't. Angelus is the only one that can see through the disguises. You need Angelus as much as the First does." He turned his back to his friends and picked up Cordelia's sleeping form. He carried her up the stairs and into the seclusion of the mansion's bedroom.  
  
He touched her face gently and silently apologized to her. He kissed her lips tenderly until he felt her return the kiss. She opened her eyes and smiled. He smiled back and began to kiss his way down her neck, pausing at the crook in her neck, feeling her pulse against his lips before carefully unbuttoning her shirt. He thought he heard her feeble attempt at a protest, but she was too far in the moment to care much about the consequences. He unhooked her bra and took a nipple in his mouth, rolling it with his teeth until it hardened with arousal. He heard her moan in pleasure and he felt his worries and pain start to slip away. He tugged on her pants and panties until the items became a forgot heap on the floor. He pulled off his own clothes and pressed his body against hers, feeling her heat. She spread her legs, inviting him in, an invitation he was not about to refuse. He guided himself inside of her and gasped at the burning heat of her body against his coldness. He felt her fingernails rake down his back as he thrust into her, leaving angry red welts on the black tattoo. He took her mouth in his and their tongues danced in a graceful ballet. He felt the muscles inside of her begin to tighten and smiled as she screamed in satisfaction. He continued to move inside of her until he felt his own climax. He tightened his fingers around her shoulders and the second he felt the soul slip from his body, he sunk his teeth into her soft flesh.  
  
She suddenly threw him off of her with a force he had never felt before. "I don't think that was part of the deal. The feeding off me I mean."  
  
"Don't worry, the First will take over again shortly," Angelus smirked, licking her blood from his lips. "Tasty. Like apples and cinnamon."  
  
"Yeah, well savor it because it's the last thing you're ever going to taste," she threatened and lunged at him with a jagged piece of wood. She pinned him against the wall and pressed the stake against his heart. "Unless you do as I say."  
  
Angelus laughed. "Give the girl a little power and she'll take a mile."  
  
"I will dust you, you sick bastard."  
  
"Like you did last time?"  
  
"Hello? Dead? Ghost? Does any of this ring a bell?" She tightened her grip on the stake. "I did manage to drive you crazy.er. So, are you going to play by my rules or am I going to kill you?"  
  
"I'm listening."  
  
Cordelia pushed a chained Angelus down the stairs in front of her. She looked up at the others and smoothed her hair. "Next time I say I don't want to come back to Sunnydale, will someone please listen to me?" 


	12. When the Face of Evil is the Face You Lo...

Title: Untitled  
  
Author: Lily -- lilyana_vamp@yahoo.com  
  
Rating: R-NC-17...eventually  
  
Disclaimer: I own no one...to my own sadness.  
  
Distribution: If you want it, take it...just let me know where it  
  
went.  
  
Feedback: ..might keep all your favorite characters of the living!  
  
Summary: When the unspeakable happens, the unspeakable is brought  
  
about...but not without some complications.  
  
Author's Notes: This is SOOO needing a name.please make suggestions when you leave feedback!!  
  
Author's Notes 2: I'd love to thank everyone for all of the wonderful feedback! It really drives me on.and on.and on.! You all rock!  
  
Part 12 When the Face of Evil is the Face You Love  
  
The newly combined group looked at Cordy in shock. They then turned and looked at a very pissed of Angelus. "You left out the bit about bondage Princess," he growled at her.  
  
Cordy kicked him in the stomach, knocking him to the floor. "Be a good little puppy or I'll have to muzzle you too. And don't call me Princess."  
  
Xander looked back and forth between the two, greatly confused. "He's.she was.they had.how the hell did she do that?!"  
  
"I assume we now have Angelus?" Wesley observed.  
  
"Yup. I even gift-wrapped him myself. Did a hell of a great job too if I may say so," Cordy grinned and tugged on the already tight chains.  
  
"Come on Delia, don't tease a guy with foreplay if you don't plan on following through. Unless of course that's what you have planned for later on. I could go for a wild fuck. I know you have it in you to be a wild one. I'd give you a thrill that pathetic soul couldn't even imagine. Being all sweet and tender, he doesn't even-"  
  
Cordelia backhanded Angelus and then pulled him to his feet with his chains. "I clearly remember telling you to shut up. If you don't, I'll make you shut up and make sure you'll never be able to feed again.or anything else you enjoy so much. Do we understand?"  
  
Angelus growled but didn't say another word. This was not the way things were supposed to go.  
  
"Good." Cordelia turned with a bright smile. "So, how 'bout we put the First back into its place?"  
  
Gunn grinned at Cordy, proud of his 'sister' for standing up to Angelus the way she had and took a position beside her. Even in his current state, he could feel the jealousy radiating off of Angelus. Both of them were jealous of his and Cordy's relationship. They both thought it to be more than it actually was. "So, what's the plan?"  
  
Giles rubbed his eyes gently and warily glanced at Angelus. He didn't have to tell anyone he didn't like this idea. None of them did. "We'll have to figure out some way to lure the First back here and let Angelus do his job. We need to know what its plans are, and he's the only one that's going to be able to get any answers. He's the only one that it can't fool," the watcher answered uncertainly. He wasn't sure if releasing Angelus was the best possible approach.  
  
"What makes you think Angelus is actually gonna do what he's suppose to? He doesn't exactly have the best track record?" Xander asked angrily.  
  
"Xander, we have to try," Buffy reassured him, holding his arm.  
  
"But Buffy, he killed-"  
  
"Yes, he did. And he's also the only one evil enough to see through the First's tricks. We don't have a choice."  
  
"It feels so nice to be needed. I feel so loved," Angelus mocked them all with a sinister grin.  
  
"When this is over, can I dust him, please?" Xander pleaded and received glares from the members of Angel Investigations. "What?"  
  
Cordy waved her hand to clear away the tension and bring the attention back to the matter at hand. "I think we need to be figuring this out now, not making plans on what to do provided we all survive this."  
  
"You are quite right Cordelia," Wesley agreed. "Everyone is tired. Why don't we all get some rest and then we'll tackle this tomorrow. It will also give Giles and I a chance to devise a plan of action."  
  
"Sounds great. Who's taking first watch?" Buffy asked, motioning toward Angelus.  
  
Cordy stepped forward and pulled Angelus with her. "Don't worry about it. I've got it covered. You all just rest up. It's gonna be a hell of a battle."  
  
Neither Gunn nor Xander liked the idea of Cordelia being in the bedroom alone with Angelus, but she didn't give them a choice. She had just told them that was how it was, no argument. "I just don't like it."  
  
Gunn nodded. "I know what you mean man."  
  
Wesley motioned for the two to move away from the door. "We have to trust in Cordelia now. She has knowledge and power more than we can even guess now. She knows what she is doing. I hope."  
  
"Okay English, that wasn't comforting."  
  
Cordy looked over at Angelus' sleeping body. It was so easy to think of him as Angel when he was sleeping. He looked so peaceful. He also looked very dead, but that was a moot point. She checked on the chains, making sure they were still tight and felt the urge to kiss him. She placed her lips gently against his cheek and smiled when he stirred slightly. She still had the touch.  
  
She laid on the bed beside him, studying his face intently, and didn't even flinch when he opened his eyes. "Sleeping with the enemy now Cor?"  
  
"Wouldn't be the first time, now would it?"  
  
Angelus knew she was referring to when she had invaded his dreams and his jaw tightened. "So, what do the white hats want me to do? Not that I'm saying I'm going to do it."  
  
"Angelus, you don't have a choice. If you don't do it, they'll kill you. If you screw with me, I'll kill you myself." He raised an eyebrow at her and she continued. "I don't know what they have planned, but I can tell you what I want you to do."  
  
"Then can I tell you what I want to do to you?"  
  
"Shut up and listen Angelus. The First is going to come through me again, I can feel it. When it does, I need you to find out as much as you can from it. Use whatever means you have to. Attack, fight, whatever."  
  
"Kinda tough when you got me bound tighter than-"  
  
"I so don't wanna hear your metaphor. You won't be chained then. And if you even think about doing anything other than you're told, Gunn will be ready.flamethrower in hand."  
  
Angelus looked disappointed that his plan had been killed. "Fine. And what happens after I get information?"  
  
"If we get rid of the First, we bring Angel back. If not, we try again."  
  
"I can't say as I like that plan much."  
  
"I don't care what you like. What you like doesn't matter. What matters is saving the world and bringing Angel back."  
  
"Why, I'm not good enough for ya Cor?" he grinned.  
  
"Don't make me laugh."  
  
"I could make you scream."  
  
Cordelia sat up and straddled his chest. She could feel him getting excited and she leaned dangerously close to his mouth. She ran her tongue up the side of his face and felt him trying to reach her neck with his mouth. She then placed her lips next to his ear. "Only in your dreams Asshole." She stood up casually and glared at him.  
  
"You little fucking bitch! I'll make you scream for me to kill you, and then I'll just keep you around longer to hear you scream! I'll make you want it!" he roared in rage, thrashing on the bed, trying to free himself.  
  
She walked around the bed and then laid next to him once again. She ignored his threats or his growling. She ignored his flashing gold eyes and his vampire visage. She closed her own eyes and went to sleep.  
  
Angelus continued fighting against his bindings and then realized she had gone to sleep. Never in his long life as a man and as a vampire had a girl fallen asleep before he had wanted her to. But Cordelia Chase was no ordinary girl. She was the only girl that could cause such rage inside of him. She was the only girl who could make him want to tear her to shreds over and over again just to hear her scream and never get sick of it. She was the only girl he would never get bored with. She was the only mortal girl Angelus had ever loved.  
  
Gunn looked in on the two of them and cringed at the sight. The two both slept facing each other on the small bed. "This just isn't right. We shouldn't be leaving Cordy alone with him."  
  
Wesley closed the door and motioned for Gunn to follow him downstairs. "Actually, when you think about it, it's quite appropriate. Angelus is the evil that we've always feared facing and now Cordelia's face is being used by an even more sinister evil. Both faces that we love. Both faces of true evil."  
  
"I'd like to make it clear that I don't like this plan one bit."  
  
"Hey look, the evil, blood-sucking, murderous vampire and I agree on something. Whoda thunk it?" Xander smirked sarcastically.  
  
"Evil, blood-sucking, murderous vampire? Don't you think that's overly redundant Xand?" Buffy asked, glancing up from her pile of weapons.  
  
"Hey, it sounded good. I don't see why we need him anyways. We have a slayer, a bad-ass Wicca, a couple of watchers, and a.what exactly are you now Cordy?"  
  
Cordelia looked around at the group and wondered how many of them would survive through this. She also wondered if she herself would. After all, the First would be using her, and if it came to it, they had all been instructed to use whatever means necessary to defeat it. She glanced over at Connor, who had been in shock since the events of the night before and felt her heart ache for him. He was her little boy and she hated to see him in so much pain. She would talk to him, try to make things right with him.if they both lived through this.  
  
She took a deep breath to pull herself together and stood up. "Okay, Willow, I need you to do that spell. We need the First to come here again. Gunn, when I give you the signal, you release Angelus, and keep your guard up. Buffy, you keep everyone back and be prepared for whatever the First brings with it. We're going to need your slayer strength to beat this." She gave her former high school adversary a friendly yet sad smile and received the same back. The hatchet had been buried in the face of impending doom and neither of them had had to say a thing. "Giles, Wesley, listen to every word the First says. My guess is that it will give you a clue as to how to defeat it. All baddies do after all. None of them can resist spilling their big plan they've spent so long planning, right Angelus?"  
  
Angelus glared at her and she continued. "Angelus, you know what you're orders are. Get the First to talk. Use any force you need to, but get the information."  
  
"I don't take orders," he snarled at her.  
  
"Well, today you do," she answered without so much as looking at him. "Are we all ready?"  
  
The group nodded and began to take their places. Cordelia stood in the center of the circle with Willow and swallowed hard. She wasn't sure she was ready for this. She could put on a big brave face for all the others, but it didn't make her feel any better. Willow looked into her eyes and saw her fear. She held her hand and gave it a firm squeeze.  
  
"It's okay Cordy. We'll get the info and get it out of you before you know it. Nothing's going to happen to you or anyone else," the redhead whispered.  
  
"I hope you're right Will. I've never been this scared in my life, and that's a lot coming from a girl who grew up on the Hellmouth," she smiled bravely. Willow smiled back, knowing exactly what she meant.  
  
"Okay, let's do this."  
  
"You think you can just summon me whenever you feel the urge? You know not the evils you are tampering with," the First screamed with Cordelia's voice.  
  
Angelus felt the chains loosen and fall from his body. For an instant, he thought about turning on the group but then saw Gunn's very large flame- thrower trained on him. He growled and turned back to the First. He walked up to it with a smile. "Well, here I am. You wanted me, they brought me back. So what's the deal?"  
  
It smiled Cordelia's bright smile and took Angelus into its arms, Cordelia's arms. Connor flinched at the thought of her holding something so evil and tried to make himself remember that it wasn't Cordelia, not really. It was only her shell. Just her body. He turned when he felt a hand on his shoulder. Dawn stood next to him, as she had since he'd arrived. Two miracle children finding each other in the face of the apocalypse.  
  
"Angelus, my sweet Angelus. I'm so glad you came to join me."  
  
"Who said anything about joining you? I don't join anybody."  
  
Her expression darkened. "You're working with them?"  
  
"Not of my own free will of course. If I had my choice, I'd be watching from the sidelines, cheering on whoever was winning. But what can I say, little Cordy can be quite persuasive."  
  
"No, this was not the plan. You were to work for me."  
  
"Sorry to ruin your plan. So what was the plan anyways? Besides taking out the slayer here and all her little groupies?"  
  
"The slayer was just an appetizer. I want the world. I want the world consumed with evil. Rid this place of human existence. Make it a playground for our kind."  
  
"You see, I have one problem with that." The First raised one of Cordelia's perfect eyebrows. "I like having humans around. They are so fun to play with and then even tastier afterwards."  
  
"Very well vampire. You can die too."  
  
"You see, that's where you're wrong. I don't plan on dying anymore than I already am." He lunged at the First, catching it off guard. He knocked the body to the ground and felt an unknown sensation as it raised a hand and placed it on his heart. It was fear.  
  
"If you won't join me Angelus, I'll do the worst thing you can think of." They all watched as Angelus began to scream out in agony, trying to pull himself away from the hand that seem to burn him from the inside.  
  
Buffy fought the urge to run to him when she saw a familiar sight. She knew what the First had done, and it was possible that it may have gotten them all killed. How would Angel ever be able to hurt Cordelia in order to weaken the First? It was never really about learning the First's plans, but to have a creature that wouldn't hesitate to harm Cordelia to get to the First. No one knew better than her how difficult it was when the face of evil is the face you love.  
  
"Cor.?" Angel asked with confusion.  
  
The First threw him off and against the wall. It started advancing on the group and Connor grabbed a crossbow, shooting Cordelia's leg with it. She screamed out in pain and waved her hand, summoning an army of uber-vamps that descended on the others. Angel jumped to his feet. "Cordy!" The memories of his short time as Angelus came flooding back to him and he knew what he had to do. Connor had slowed her down, and now it was his job to weaken her. He grabbed Cordelia's shoulders and wrestled her body to the ground. He wasn't sure if he could do this or not. The First looked at him with her face, daring him to hurt the woman that he loved. And then he saw something else.  
  
Cordelia gripped her head, feeling the pain of a vision for the first time in a very long time. She saw what would happen if the First succeeded in its plan. She saw the world that it planned on creating and she was determined not to let it come to be. "Angel, if you ever really loved me, you'll do what you have to do. You can't let the First win. Do it now!"  
  
Seeing Cordelia regain control over her body for that split second made it even harder for him, but he knew he didn't have a choice. He donned his game face and gave her a look of apology before sinking his fangs into her neck.  
  
The First was so overcome with pain it couldn't escape the mortal body it had possessed. Her hands clawed at him, ripping deep gashes into his flesh and when that didn't work, her hands began to hit him, bruising his body deep inside. She managed to grab a fire poker from beside the fireplace and drove through the vampire's abdomen. Angel drained enough to make Cordelia and the First to lose consciousness and pulled away. His sorrow was burning a hole in his heart and he limped away from the group. He didn't watch as Buffy and the potentials defeated one uber-vamp after the next and he didn't watch as she looked at the young girls with pride as they dusted them all. He didn't watch as they bound his Cordelia in the same chains that had held Angelus and he didn't examine his own wounds. He just wanted to be as far away from this place as possible.  
  
He felt a strong arm grab him around the waist and he fell against it. He wasn't sure what was worse, the pain his body felt from the open wounds, the bruises and the poker that impaled him, or the pain of his broken heart. He felt the strong arms help him walk to safety and collapsed on the ground, the pain finally getting the best of him. He welcomed the darkness and the emptiness if it meant not having to feel this pain any longer. As he drifted into his own unconsciousness, he heard a soothing voice comforting him, making it all seem okay. It was okay to rest in the darkness if just for a little while. The voice told him they'd finish the mission and save Cordelia.  
  
"Just rest. You deserve it. What you did was heroic; the stuff stories are made of. You are a hero Dad." 


	13. Surviving

Title: Untitled  
  
Author: Lily -- lilyana_vamp@yahoo.com  
  
Rating: R-NC-17...eventually  
  
Disclaimer: I own no one...to my own sadness.  
  
Distribution: If you want it, take it...just let me know where it  
  
went.  
  
Feedback: well duh.  
  
Summary: My summary was crappy. Got a better one? Lemme know.and while you're at it.I'm ready to get down on my knees and beg for someone to help me with a name! I'll gravel!!  
  
Author's Notes: Is this the end? Let me know if you think I should end it here!  
  
Part 13  
  
Surviving  
**LA looks different to me somehow. I guess when you host an evil so.well, evil as the First, almost kill everyone you care about, and divert an apocalypse, things do tend to look a little different. It's been.I don't even know how long it's been, since we came home. I've been sitting beside him for what seems like an eternity, and there are still no signs of him waking up. Wesley thinks that it has something to do with the extreme damage the First inflicted upon him.that iI/i inflicted upon him and his emotional state when he passed out. Connor carried him to safety and said that he just collapsed. The poor boy had to pull that fire poker out of his own dad's stomach. I don't know what I'll do if he never wakes up. I'd never be able to forgive myself. Geez, now I'm all broody.watch out Angel, you got competition now, so wake up and fight me for it already!**  
  
Cordelia didn't remember much of what happened, only looking up into Angel's eyes after having that horrendous vision. The others skirted around the issue of what happened in Sunnydale and she couldn't say she really minded. When she was ready, she'd make them tell her. Right now she had more important things on her mind. Angel.  
  
"Sure, help a guy save the world and he thinks it's okay to sleep forever." Cordy braved a smile, trying to wake him up unsuccessfully. She'd tried talking, crying, screaming, everything. She'd even tried kissing him; Sleeping Beauty he was not. Nothing seemed to work, and she was getting very worried. She laid on the bed next to him and caressed his face. "You have to wake up Angel. Help the Hopeless and all that. It's no fair that you get to sleep and I'm stuck watching your Rip Van Winkle ass for days on end."  
  
"No change?" Wesley asked from the doorway. She turned to see him, Gunn, and Fred looking in with worried expressions.  
  
Cordy shook her head. "Nothing. Things that should get a reaction out of him aren't even registering." She looked for the absent member of the Fang Gang. "Where's Connor?"  
  
"In his room. He won't come out. He's taking this really hard," Fred told her, her voice heavy with sadness.  
  
Cordy nodded slightly. "Can you guys stay with Angel? I wanna go talk to Connor."  
  
"Of course Cordelia," Wesley smiled slightly.  
  
******  
  
She knocked lightly on the door and opened it a crack when he didn't answer. "Connor?" She saw him sitting beside the window in the dark. Like father, like son. "Hey sweetie. How you doing?"  
  
Connor shrugged, and she could tell he was genuinely upset. "How is he?"  
  
"The same. You know, maybe if you go in there, talk to him, it might make a difference."  
  
He turned and looked at her and she could almost swear he had been crying. "I should have helped him. I just stood there, like a pathetic-"  
  
"Don't do this to yourself Connor. You didn't do anything wrong. If anything, you saved his life by getting him out of there. If anyone should feel guilty, it's me."  
  
Connor looked up at her wide-eyed. "Why? You didn't do anything wrong. It wasn't you. Just like it wasn't you when.we." She could see his heartache and she wished she could comfort him. But she had to be honest with him, even if it hurt him a little more.  
"No, it wasn't. Connor, you're my little boy. I'll always think of you as my little boy. And I know that's not what you might want, or what the First led you to believe, but it's the truth. You were my baby even if I didn't give birth to you, and you're still my baby. I hope you can accept that and move past what happened."  
  
Connor gave her a bittersweet smile. "I guess I should be grateful to have someone who loves me so much."  
  
Cordy nodded. "Angel does too. He loves you so much Connor, and I really think you could make a difference." She watched as the boy stood up and left the room. She only hoped that he was more convinced than she was, because she wasn't sure if anything would wake him up at this point.  
  
******  
  
Gunn looked up as Cordy walked down the stairs. "How ya holdin' up?"  
  
"Been better," she sighed and slouched on the couch next to him. He'd never seen Cordelia Chase like that before. Her hair was carelessly pulled back, her clothes were rumpled and baggy from all the weight she had lost in the past week or so. She looked like she hadn't slept for weeks, which wasn't entirely untrue, and he couldn't remember the last time he'd seen her eat anything.  
  
"Can I get you something to eat?"  
  
She looked at him with her eyebrows raised. "You're going to cook? This should be laugh-worthy."  
  
"Hey now, what's that suppose to mean?"  
  
"Nothing," she answered with a grin.  
  
"I didn't think so. Besides, I said 'get', not 'cook'. I was going to get you some take out from that little Italian place you like so much."  
  
She smiled thankfully but shook her head. "I'm really not hungry."  
  
"Well, I'm gonna get it anyways, and you just eat it if you get hungry, 'kay?" He stood up and walked out the door before she could argue.  
  
Cordy pulled her knees up to her chest and rested her forehead against them. She was so exhausted and hungry, but she was afraid to eat. The way her stomach was twisting and turning and tying itself into knots, she feared anything she ate would make a premature return.  
  
She blamed herself for the state Angel was in, even though she knew that it wasn't really her that had done it. It was the First, but that didn't do anything to ease her pain. Her hands had scratched him. Her hands had bruised him. Her hands had run him through with a fire poker. She closed her eyes and as the tears began to run down her cheeks, she fell into a deep sleep.  
  
******  
  
When Gunn walked back into the Hyperion, he saw Cordelia curled up on the couch, fast asleep. He smiled and put down the bags of food. He grabbed a blanket and covered her, placing a quick kiss on the top of her head. "Sweet dreams Sis."  
  
******  
  
Angel opened his eyes and wondered how long he had been sleeping. He shuddered when the memories of feeding off Cordy came back to him. The dull ache of his mostly healed wounds were nothing compared to the ache in his heart. He scanned the dark room, looking for her, but he didn't even sense her. The fear began to choke him. What if he had drained her too far? He sat up, clutching his stomach, grimacing in pain and saw a sleeping body in the chair beside him.  
  
It warmed his cold, dead heart to see his son watching over him, even if he had fallen asleep. He vaguely remembered those last words Connor has said to him as he drifted into oblivion. He had called him a hero. More importantly, he had called him Dad. It wasn't as if he hadn't called him Dad before, but this time, it was different. There was love in his voice as he said it.  
  
Angel struggled to his feet and took the blanket off his bed, placing it around Connor. He smiled as the boy stirred and then slipped back into a deeper sleep. He finally had his little boy back. He had a family. That is, if he still had Cordelia.  
  
He limped down the stairs, feeling his body healing itself more rapidly now that he was awake, and he searched for her. He looked in his office, and then in the lobby. He saw a blanket that had been carelessly discarded on the floor and followed the sound of movement in the kitchen.  
  
He walked in to see Cordy shoveling bite after bite of chicken parmagiana into her mouth. She looked absolutely disheveled, but she still looked radiant to him. He wondered how a person with a major case of bed hair, a full set of luggage underneath her eyes and pasta sauce smeared all around her mouth, could look so beautiful, but this was Cordelia Chase. She always looked beautiful, even at her worst.  
  
"Is it good?" he asked after watching her eat for a few minutes. She dropped her glass to the floor, shattering it into a million pieces.  
  
"Shit! Don't do that!" she yelled and then looked up to see Angel. "Angel! You shouldn't be up! You could re-open a wound or something!" she exclaimed and ran over to him. "I've never been so happy to see your goofy ass grin before in my life! God, I didn't know if you were ever going to wake up. I was so worried about you. I thought I'd killed."  
  
He put a hand on her cheek and smiled at her. "I'm alright Cordy. I'll heal. How are you? I mean, did I hurt you bad?" he asked solemnly, his hand trailing down to the scars on her neck.  
  
She shook her head and rested her own hand on his. "I'm alright. I'll heal." The two fell into an uncomfortable silence and then Cordy turned back to her broken glass. "I'd better clean this up before someone cuts themselves on it."  
  
Angel felt the pain in his heart worsen as she pulled away from him. He wondered if anything would ever be the same between them again. "Let me help you."  
  
"No, I got it. You're still hurt. You should go rest," she told him as she carefully picked up the shards of glass. She pulled her hand back and cried out as a sharp piece lodged itself in her fingertip.  
  
Angel rushed over and pulled her up off the floor. He led her into the living room and sat her on the couch and then knelt on the floor in front of her. He examined her finger and gently pulled the small sliver of glass. He set it on the stand, but never let go of her hand. He studied her fingertip again, looking for any stray pieces, carefully turning it this way and that, letting the light dance off of her skin.  
  
Satisfied that he'd removed it all, he gently kissed her new wound and then lightly ran his fingers up her arm. He traced the healed wounds on her neck and leaned forward, letting his lips lightly brush against them and then kissing the marks he had made. He slid his fingers across her face and caressed her eyes as they closed. He kissed each eyelid in turn and then let his hand rest on top of her heartbeat. He felt it for a moment, marveling in the wonder of it and then placed his lips where his hand had been.  
  
He felt Cordy's body begin to release the stress and worries she kept inside and he smiled. He would continue to kiss every part of her to try to rid her of the pain he had caused in the woman he loved. He had been the cause of physical pain; the broken glass, the wounds on her neck, and the visions she carried for him. And he had been the cause of emotional pain; breaking her heart more times than he could count, yet she always forgave him.  
  
He laid her back on the couch and propped himself over her, looking deeply into her eyes. He had never felt so much love before in his life. Theirs was the kind of love that could survive eternity. It would survive through death and worse yet, life. It had already survived her death, as it had his jealous tendencies. It had survived the apocalypse, and it had survived them almost killing each other. Their love was true, and he knew it beyond any shadow of a doubt. He vowed to never let anything tear his family apart again.  
  
He brushed a stray lock from her face with his free hand and kissed her tenderly. He pulled her shirt off with amazing skill and rested his cheek against her warm flesh as he reached for her panties. He heard her protest slightly, worrying about the curse, and he placed a finger to her lips. He looked into her eyes again and reassured her without saying a word. As he rid her of the confines of her clothing, he did the same with his. He let his naked body press against hers, and felt her warmth permeate all the way to his core. He rolled them over and positioned her so that her head rested against his firm chest and he reached down to pull the blanket up around them. The two fell asleep in each other's arms, having made love in a more beautiful way than any act of sex could have been. 


End file.
